Some days it isn't so bad, or I maybe fool myself into thinking it isn't so bad. but then I'm pushed out of my comfort zone and it all comes crashing down on me, how much I avoid. I dislike face to face interactions where I have no control and may get asked questions I may not know the answers to. I dislike sandwich shops where you must yell your order across the counter, no one can hear me, I'm so quiet. I put off making phone calls until I absolutely have to. This fear seems worse lately.
goodwitchofthenorth goodwitchofthenorth
41-45, F
3 Responses Feb 21, 2016

Phone calls (well, most) are the worst. I've never like talking on the phone, even when I was a teen. Going to work is fine, but I just really want to come home at the end of each day. Some days are better than others.

I feel for you. I have no problem going to work IDKW but I'm fine there. It seems to be everywhere else I can't seem to go to. I even stay up late to go to the grocery store in hopes that no one is there.

I shop in the next town over.

yes the phone can be too much and I avoid it completely some days

I know a little about how you feel. I'm ok with a few people but if their is more then 15 people around I get very uncomfortable.
I still have days that I just want to stay in bed. That is where I feel safe. But the problem is I'm alone in my room & that just makes me feel worse because I realize how alone I am.
I can't be around people & I hurt from being alone.
I'm so confused my head wants to be alone but my body hurts when I am

Hopefully one day both of us can come & go as we please with no pain.

I understand this conflict you speak of and wanting to stay home where it feels safe. sorry you're going through this too. it is confusing, and difficult to overcome

Yes it sure is. I try to go out, get all dressed up nice go out the door & then I can't decide where I could go so I just end up coming back in the house.
I think that if I had someone to go out with I would go. It's just being alone all the time makes it worse.
Maybe one day a woman will help me out of this prison I put myself in.

You can message me & talk more if you want.

But why? People are so worthless..most matter less than nothing. Who cares what they think of you? Its only you caring, too much. Its never too late to get help..life was not meant to be lived like that

the why is a complicated and very long story. do you really feel most people are worthless? I don't. Annoying, dull, simple minded...but not worthless . my anxiety does not stem from what they think of me exactly. I'm trying not to live like this, getting help now, and becoming much more aware. thanks for your response :)

Its probably not as complicated as it seems ^^ No..you are right..but being as they are, they should not trouble you. Is it more the pressure you put on yourself to perform? But you'll be OK. Find some shrinks that actually care and that's all you need. You're intelligent, all you need is tools, guidance, and maybe drugs

If you have never gone through it you have no idea how it is. It's not complicated at all. I know what needs to happen & I know how to do it. The problem is my mind & body won't let me do it.