It's hard for me to describe honestly. Generally I'm pretty chill and able to get along with most people. Especially in a one on one basis or even withing a group of 3 or 4. Once a group gets too large though it becomes difficult for me to involved with them. I kinda just blend in and bite my tongue. It just starts to feel uncomfortable and i kinda feel lost. This is especially true with people i don't really know all too well as its difficult for me to to really keep conversation. I just hate the small talk and awkward silence that comes with it sometimes.

I know I sound kinda silly saying this but its how I feel sometimes. I'm not some mute or one of those guys who kinda sits there and says nothing but i often feel i get drowned out by my more outgoing friends in a group when we go out. It kinda why i don't really like going to clubs or parties anymore. I get very uncomfortable with all the people and the music blaring. I start sweating and my heart races. I'm looking around for the exit door just in case and i start to get lightheaded. I know, quite an escalation from just awkward dinner conversation but this is me in my most extreme. I guess it's almost like a panic attack. I've never been diagnosed with such a thing but my friends do know I'm a bit high strung at times lol.

To be honest, its actually kinda funny when I think about it. I work in an environment where I'm always talking with new people and there are frequently events, loud music and other activity going around. The thing that makes it funny is I have absolutely no problem talking with all the random people at work and making light small talk as well. Even at events hosted here I'm able to interact with guests and such with no real reservations and i don't get the same anxiety from the crowds here at work that I do when out myself or with friends. I can't understand why but it really sucks sometimes. Makes life more difficult for me to enjoy sometimes because I feel like I can't relax or ever be comfortable. I'm always on guard or anxious about something.

Anyway thanks for taking the time to listen to my little rant/expression. Have a good day folks!
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Mar 12, 2016