Most people assume that I'm antisocial by choice. They believe that I want nothing to do with them, when that's simply not true.

I have a love/hate relationship with confidence. On one hand, I enjoy being confident and being who I am but on the other hand, I feel that I begin to annoy people to the point where they distance themselves when I say how I feel and talk about anything on my mind. None of which is depressing, of course.. I couldn't even begin to tell you why it happens. I just simply do not know.

I want to be able to talk to people. To have a conversation with them and become good friends. I of course want a social life, to be happy and well.. simply put, I just want to have a good time.

It starts off with people ignoring me. Not talking to me. Nothing is said, there's no arguments or direct pinpoints, it's just clear acknowledgement, then, silence. My brain begins to race with the questions. "What did I do wrong?" "Did I say something?" "Are they ganging up and messing with me for fun?" I know none of this just comes from mid-air. I know why I feel the way I feel towards people when this sort of thing goes down. I wish I wouldn't think that people hate me. I wish that I could just move on and live my life and get over all of this anxiety.
SeriousYak SeriousYak
26-30, M
Mar 20, 2016