Tunnel Vision & A Racing Heart.

I have horrible social anxiety. I recently got a job, it's perfect for me! I work late at night by myself & no one is usually there. I'm a midnight janitor. Everytime before I go, I get nervous.. thinking, what if someone stays late? What if someone is still there? I know it sounds completely irrational, but my axiety usually is. I never know when it's going to hit, sometimes I have great days! I can go to the store, out with friends & I have no problems other times...

I get sweaty palms & tunnel vision, my heart races & I can't think straight. I could be doing something so simple as going to get milk from the store. I don't have many friends because I can't keep promised dates. The night before I have plans with a friend I always get nervous & scared. I don't even know why! I'm excited about meeting up with them.. I'm looking forward to it. But, sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me & I end up bailng on them. I've been on pills before, but I really didn't like taking them so I was weaned off of them. I try to cope with it myself day by day. I think I do a pretty good job. I have some friends, & a boyfriend, I have a job & can keep a conversation going with people. I just wish more people understood. If my older friends could have walked in my shoes maybe they wouldn't have given up on me.. maybe, I would have felt more relaxed around them. I take every day as it comes, maybe some day my anxiety shell will break right off & I'll be conifdent & ready to fight the world! I'll keep working at it :)

Aleighsha Aleighsha
18-21, F
4 Responses Jan 2, 2010

Thank-you! <br />
You're so kind, I hope you're right. I am doing a bit better now, Im on pills again & it has made a huge difference. I believe I have helped myself too though. I'm not fully rid of my anxiety but, I don't think I ever will be. It's nice to hear someone understands. I agree, we are very similar. Xo

Thank-you for the suggestions. I have always been a shy & nervous person, even as a child. i guess, most people break through their shell & I just never have. What I do to try & calm down is take deep breaths & count in my head. I go through a list of what ifs & eventually convince myself that I am being irrational & that the worst that could happen isn't really all that bad. Sometimes, that can back fire & I can make myself freak out more.. lol. But, usually it helps me cope. Thanks for reading!

can you recall the moment where this grew from? i'm not familiar with social anxiety, but would listening to calming music or joining a support group where you can learn some coping mechanisms help? or would pretend role-playing help? and by that i mean, pretending to be a character from a book/movie/someone in real life that you can imitate...i know kinda silly, it's all i can offer. {HUGS} best wishes to you.

Yes, that is very true. I am copeing but, it is a challenge. I am 18 now & from the ages of 12-16 I saw 3 different therapist. If my problem worsens I may contact my therapist again, I can scheduale appointments whenever I feel they are needed, I have been thinking about going back to see her.