Ever Since 5th Grade...

It's been different. I was home-schooled from 1st to 4th grade, and felt really weird going to regular school, and isolated myself. I felt that no one liked me, and that if they had a desire to know me, they'd talk to me, I didn't have to talk to them first. Bottom line, I hated starting a conversation with someone I didn't know well, even when I had to. Throughout 5th and 6th grade, I NEVER talked at all, unless I was forced to. I always felt that people thought...well, not just thought....KNEW they were better than me and that I was some stupid shy kid, refusing to talk. Finally, in 7th grade, some people started chatting with me, and it felt great. That was how I got closer to where I am today. In 8th grade, this one kid asked me "what happened? You used to NEVER say anything at all in 6th grade, and now your like really talkative." My reply, "I don't really know...I guess I just started talking." Which would be partly true. People started talking TO me, that made the difference. Now, I'm a freshman in high school, and still struggle sometimes. I have plenty of friends, but those are the only people I can honestly talk to. I have MANY acquintances, and can talk to almost ANYONE in my school, but that's only cause I've gone there for 5 years now. At my church, I'm still very nervous to talk to anyone. I go to a youth group, and I feel really unwelcome, even when people say hi to me. That's pretty much everywhere but school. When I go out in public, if I'm not with my mom or dad, I feel really young and hopeless, just like that Good Charlotte album ("The Young and the Hopeless" lol). But of course, it's true. I feel like everyone judges me sometimes, or thinks negatively about me. My mom says that I need to get over this eventually, which would be also true. And I'm praying that God will give me the strength to do so, and help me lose the feeling of someone disliking me automatically. And I know it will happen! 

Shopaholikk77 Shopaholikk77
18-21, F
Feb 27, 2010