When Alone

Oddly, I don't have this so much so that I'd say I have it. Though, for example, last night, I couldn't bring myself to get myself out to an Oscars party where I knew others who would be there.

Sometimes it's the alone-ness in getting there, and I feel like too, specifically, what it feels like to come home alone, oddly?, keeps me at home instead.

Does this seem odd to anyone, or does it make sense?

Then I feel guilty, and don't know what to do to make it up to whomever has thrown the party... I don't like it, but often feel too "weak" or something to be able to get myself out of my house when I am alone, to go somewhere where there will be a crowd. Specifically, I think, parties make me feel umcomfortable to go to alone.

Is that weird?  I feel like it is, only because it is so specific to the transit time and traveling feeling I am having, and entering + exiting, all alone, that make me feel weird. I guess being there alone too, even if people I know will be there, if I don't actually go there with someone, it feels weird to me. Uncomfortable.

penname penname
41-45, F
Mar 8, 2010