When I Was First Diagnosed With Social Anxiety

 

  When I was first diagnosed with Social Anxiety , I had finally figured out why I had difficulty maintaining long-term friendships and had a fear of  being in certain social situations. And also had a huge fears about joining groups.  My Social Anxiety has affected  almost every aspect  of my life.  It wasn't until a male boarder  moved into our home when he informed me about the CBT program. At  the time I didn't have a family physician after finding one she referred me to the CBT program.  After taking the program I found that it only address my problem with my depression, but not my social anxiety.  I was only in my early forties when I first discovered I had social anxiety. 

   Three years later, I finally found a group for Attacking Anxiety and Depression. Unfortunately the group didn't help me with my social anxiety. It wasn't  until another 3 years that I found a Social Anxiety group through a Mental Health center, but shortly after starting the group I left the group due to having a great fear of  pubic speaking couldn't speak about myself to a group of strangers.  My new doctor put me a number of ant-depressants until I found one which worked for me. 

    A few weeks ago I joined a women's group and have attended three times.  I realize now why being in a group scares me so much, because I have a great fear of being judged, criticized, and controlled.  I have always felt afraid to reveal my secret of having a social anxiety, because of what other people would think of me.  I did reveal my secret and no one in the group acted surprised, but none of them were curious to know about my social anxiety. I feel so misunderstood, because these women don't understand anything about having this kind of disorder. 

     Now I know what I have been missing is have a group of women as possible friends. I think it is something that I have  missed having  for a very long time. I just hope it works out for me, because I have no friends. My only friend is my husband. And it is sad that I have not one close friend to share my goals dreams with. To go places with to share common interests with. I hope someday I will be able to find a  true friend.      

   

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26-30
2 Responses Mar 13, 2010

I know what you mean, I have had all kinds of anxieties all my life, I'm 57 now, and you really struck a chord when you mentioned fear of being judged and criticized! I had a horrible upbringing, my mom must have been going through something herself and yelled at me, criticized me, we never actually had a real conversation, only to tell me what chores to do or get out of her way. I was never allowed to go anywhere as a teenager. I couldn't even go to my senior prom! So, no wonder I have such a difficult time connecting with people, I really don't have the life experiences other people do! I mostly keep quiet in social situations or try to joke my way through when I'm feeling uncomfortable and all eyes are on me. I have no friends at all, just my husband. He is a male version of me, he was yelled at and beat around when he was younger, and immersed himself in school and working on cars, mostly situations where he didn't have to be around many people. So we are really two peas in a pod, but at times, I really wish I had a friend to chat with. Sorry to ramble on so much, but I do share those feelings and wish things could be different!

I so relate to what you say. I fear being in any social setting..even walking around my own apartment complex, or checking my mail. It's very frustrating for people to ask "why are you like that..were you raped or abused as a child??" NO.....I'm just scared of social situations...they freak me out..even thinking about them can make me break into a sweat!!!!