Miserable PersonSo I've been having social phobia throughout my life now. It began in kindergarten. I don't remember ever talking to no one! Although I saw other kids talk and whenever they talked to me, I never seemed to response. I was in elementary school by 2000. When I was in second grade is when my teachers started telling my mom that I don't talk at all in class that I didn't participate at all. So I had a counselor there. ( dont really remember much because I was little) what I remembered is that if my mom didnt come and pick me up after school , I would immediately start crying ( sometimes she was late because she was so drawn to finishing up chores at home) . But then we moved to Mexico so my parents would marry. I changed schools in 3 rd grade. I was always the quietest one and kids would hate for that. One day I overheard one girl saying," I hate her because she doesn't talk." They would ask " why are you so quiet?" And like always I would never respond. I didn't do it on purpose it's just that I couldn't. ( now I know I had selectively mutism) I would isolate myself from kids I just had one friend or two throughout elementary. No one talked to me, I didn't talk to them. On Valentines day in 3 rd grade, as kids were passing out valentines cards, I heard one of the kids say " I'm going to erase her name and give it to the teacher instead". That kind of hurted. No one liked me! Always silent all day at school until I got home its when I felt comfortable talking to my family. Middle school came ,the same. On 7th grade, it's when I had my first panick attack while I was in the girls locker room getting dressed up from PE. It stopped after a month I guess(?). I had no friends in 7 or 8 grade. I would hide in the bathroom for the whole lunch and nutrition after the panick attack! But then it stopped. It was so embarrassing because I had a brother going to the same school at the time! I thought he would wonder how weird I am. I worried if people would see me! I just wasn't comfortable around the lunch area, where the whole school would be at. I went to HS. Same with me always quiet. I got another panick attack where I was sweating , blushing! I thought everyone was staring at me! I hated when people would look at me from all corners of the classroom! I just wanted to run away and never look back!! After, I kept on blushing every single day and worrying if people would notice! That's one of the reasons why I changed schools. 10 grade, new school, everyone hated my guts! Idk why! 11 th grade new school because it was smaller ( thought it would be better) in that school is when I began opening to people. I started talking little by little ( or so I thought) . But something I didn't expect happened! I wasn't accepted by people! They thought I was weird once again! They thought I was crazy just trying to laugh and talk ! One of my classmates bullied me! A lot of kids didnt like me! Some did but very little! One of them would call me " hunchback goblin" I would tell him to STFU!! Most would run away from me they told me I was annoying! So senior year I stayed all by myself . Once in a while talking to this dude who was also weird. I would be in my art class trying to improve my grade! But yeah I graduated!! So yeah basically I'm saying that when I stay mute people dislike me! Same by just talking or being myself they dislike me!! I hate people! And now I suffer from severe low self esteem!!!! And I mean image self esteem!!!
Forgotten000ghosts 18-21 2 Responses 4 Feb 13, 2013