Always Yearning For More...

 I Have social Phobia. Through out my life I have always been extremely shy , I got through school okay and graduated high school. Now I am 26 and have yet to go back to college. THe list of things I want to learn are endless I need to feed my brain and learn new things...but the thought of going to college and being around all of those people is a HUGE road block. I think about how much I hate walking into a class room full of people or how if im late to a class I would leave  rather than walk into a room where everyone will watch me. For the last eight years I have struggled with my life socially. Even around my own family . Holidays are hard , I do ease into it and eventually relax enough to enjoy seeing my loved ones but Sometimes I have to sit in another room where it's less crowded or hang with the kids because talking to them isnt all that hard. I wish I could be like other people and just walk into a room and know exactly what to do and what to say. Sometimes people will be telling me a joke  and I just wont get it. I do come off as dumb but im really not. Im a bit slow to understand some things but I do eventually get them. Knowing that people hear me messing up my words because there just stuck in my throat when im trying to talk is so hard . I hate that people assume I am lazy and have no dreams or wishes to do better. They dont understand how much a want to get out there and get on with my life. I am however thinking of going to a craft class at my local community collage , something easy and hopefully i dont have to worry about the teacher calling me out in front of the class. The last time that happened i just sat there like a dummy not saying anything , the words just would not come out of my mouth . It was so embarassing. Im slowly working y way up to a place where im going to try new things. God its hard though. This is a pretty short version of how i deal with things but I just wanted to share some of what I feel. I didnt realize there was a place I could go where some one else will actually undersrand what I am saying. Thank god I just happened upon it.

26-30, F
1 Response Mar 11, 2010

Hi HEZI, thanks for sharing ur experience. I totally understand what u r going thru. I too avoid at all costs having to walk into a crowded room of strangers n talking to strangers. I tremble during every presentation or public speech. It makes me very anxious and tense and I do believe we are over reacting but I can't help it. I have gone thru uni. but I was very isolated n lonely becoz I cldn't overcome my shyness, it eventually led to my depression. I felt comforted when I read ur story coz I have not met anyone whose progress in life has been stumped by their lack of social skills. Noone understands why I am terribly shy or fear interacting with pple. Why do u feel shy to socialise? For me, I feel I can't communicate w pple n I struggle to find the right words, I am alwiz tongue tied n I'm not confident to say hi to strangers fearing that I'm boring, not humorous n can't carry a conversation. I dread family gatherings when the relatives bombard me w questions on my career which is stumped by my social skills. I dun like being discussed abt.<br />
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There are many courses available at college. Like u I have thought abt the areas of work that require minimal human interaction. Some of them include being a chef, a writer, physiotherapist, vet, botanist, artist, sculptor. Ideally, we shld not put boundaries ard ourselves just becoz we are social phobic. I am trying hard to break out my shell and I find that the following help. Reading extensively, gives me confidence to speak when I am more knowledgable and the words come to me more quickly. Practice expressing thoughts in words thru writing, is like having a conversation w urself so it's "talking" minus the embarrassmt. I have realised that the only way to overcome our shyness is by practising communicating. Dun lose hope, u r not alone in this battle!