A Memory

i wasnt thinking about it, this show just came on about this father molesting his four year old and an image, a memory slowly appeared. why do i feel ive never forgotten? i just found the memory today and yet i know how i had to sleep near them when we where finished, i remember how they smelled, i remember how my breath came in a rush and my face was wet with tears. i remember the taste of my tears and their sweat i was forced to taste. i remember crying about the light on, and id have to climb over them with a shaking body to just turn the light off and how id sit on the floor a few moments crying, and how i got back in bed and as soon as my head hit the pillow theyd order "finger me while i fall asleep" i dont know how many times that happened. i had remember me crying over the light and having to always turn it off, but i didnt remember the part where i had to always fall asleep as i was touching them. i remember their breath, their groans, their back curving, i remember them getting mad when id stop. i remember when id try and force my body as far away from them only leaving my hand in place. i remember asking to stop, i remember crying, i remember begging, i remember feeling trapped, i remember feeling dirty and bad for what id do for them. i remember now, how theyd take every moment alone with me to make me touch them.

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1 Response Jul 14, 2010

Wow. That brings back so many vivid flashbacks for me. I remember all that too. I hate how my memories become so real I forget where I am and loose site of reality. I get so absorbed in the memory I feel its happening all over again.<br />
Know that you are not alone in this. There are so many who relive their trauma. I have 18 years haunting me and am finally at 32 learning how to deal with them. I pray for you and myself that God will heal our memories and help us to find happiness in the here and now.