Parent Infidelity

All in all, I had a wonderful childhood. As an adopted child, I had two parents who raised me as their own, and provided more than I could have ever asked for. That being said, I have numerous recollections which have arisen recently, of my father cheating on my mom.

One is quite brief and simple. I recall, as a child of about 5, my dad encouraging me to go and take my afternoon nap (he was a teacher and had summers off). I recall, very vividly, having to go to the bathroom. When I opened up my door to cross the hallway into the bathroom, I saw my dad kissing a family friend on the lips. While this is troubling, it is not the most hurtful for me.

As a child, my best friend growing up was a young boy named Steven. Steven lived two houses down the block from us. Just after our second grade year, Steven and his family moved away to a Big-ten university where his father had accepted a job as a professor of veterinary science. At the time it was difficult, but nothing an 8 year-old could not overcome.

As I have gotten older, I have had a number of memories creep back, which suggest that my dad was having an affair with Steven's mom. The first memory is of my dad kissing Steven's mom on the lips. I recall, quite specifically, his mom saying "We can't do this in front of the children." A second memory is of my mom on the day that Steven's family moved. When I was crying that my friend was moving away, my mom said very coldly (which was not like her) "Oh, get over it." A third recollection, which occurred at this time, but is not related to Steven's family at all, is of my mom spending a number of days locked in her room. She did not come out during this time to talk to us. There was a lot of tension at the house, and all I that I can recall, was more related to the relationship between my parents... Not my mothers' health. She is not the kind of mom who would "check out" on her family. Finally... Steven's family came back for a couple of years to visit friends. I specifically recall, as his parents were dropping me off, his dad calling my father a "bastard" and his mom saying "______, remember what the psychiatrist said."

These memories slowly arose over a 5-8 year span of my early adulthood. I would rather not have these memories. Yet, they all seem to tie together to suggest that my dad had a relationship with my best-friends mom, forcing them to move out of state.

This is something that occurred 20 years ago. Yet, I have this burning desire to find out if my memories are valid. I don't believe that they have simply developed recently. Yet, I believe if I ask anyone who was involved, that all it would do is bring up painful memories.

What do you think? Is it worth asking my mom?
clichegringo clichegringo
1 Response Aug 14, 2010

What would be more painful, livign in the darkness all of the time, or knowing just what was going on? We can't make this decision fro you, but we can at least point you in the right direction. I think personally that it would be best if you asked your mother about it. Plain and simple, just ask her about it. Try and make sure that you don't seem too cold about it, like all you want to do is bring back painful memories. After all, throughout the pain comes acceptance and lvoe, especialliy in situations like this.