....I have them. From the age of 3-13 I was abused by my alcoholic grandfather. At age 6, my great grandmother, who had been trying to protect everyone prior to this, asked me to see that the 'flock' (my cousins and sis) was kept away from the 'Big Bad Wolf' (grandfather). When I agreed to do so, she called me a 'Shepherd'. I successfully did this task from the age of 6 to 13. There were a few times I was badly beaten. I was also tied to a chair, raped, forced to witness rapes, taunted, and emotionally abused. My cousins and sister were spared that pain. I was at least partially responsible for that. At 13, I intervened when grandfather was hitting grandmother one day, I had a sturdy old corn broom as a weapon. I hit him in the abdomen, right kidney, and then broke it over his head. That is the day I won. It was also the day I nearly killed him.
13guardianangel 13guardianangel
31-35, M
2 Responses Oct 30, 2010

Wow, what a choice you were left with. Even the lesser of two evils is something no one should have to go through. I am truly sorry you had to go through that. I was indeed a fighter. This came from my father, who raised me to know right from wrong, and also raised me to know I should stand up for what was right in the face of the wrong. At first, i did it so I could be like my dad. After going through some of the abuse, and knowing what would happen to the other children, I did it for them. Some of the current side effects of my experiences include a total lack of self worth (I would attack anyone who threatened a loved one, even if I were outnumbered and they had weapons), PTSD, and a horrible self image. In my own mind, I am disposable. It was the only way I could get past grandfather's threat of killing me for getting in his way.

I am so glad you had the courage to not only protect your "flock" but you had the courage to stand up to him and at such a young age. I was 13 when I chose to go live with my bio father who I knew would continue to molest me rather than my bio mother who mentally, physically and emotionally abused me. She also allowed others to do the same to me. It was not a difficult choice because with him, it happened once a day, the rest of the time I was free. With her, I was never free. I commend you and your courage.