Ruined Friendship

I'm a 20 year old living in Australia. I'm from an African background and I have PTSD.

When I was living in Africa (birth - 4 years) my village was attacked and destroyed by a group of soldiers from the neighboring country. All my early childhood friends were killed.
When I first started school in Australia (6 years old) I was constantly physically, emotionally and mentally abused by other students and teachers because of my skin color (black). Then I became friends with a strong new kid and he helped me deal with these people but he started to get beaten up too. We became extremely close. When my parents found out about the hard time the teachers were giving me, they moved me out of the school and sent me to a different school. My friend also moved because he told his parents so he moved to the same school I was going to. We still faced problems of bullying because of our different background (my friend was African American) but he and I fought through it. We made a new friend there; a Spanish girl. We all became extremely close to the point where we thought we were closer than siblings. This may seem weird but when I was 12 I remember that I had feelings for my Spanish friend but I didn't know that she was living with a sexually abusive father and committed suicide. This broke me and my remaining friend to pieces but with his help, I got through it. A year later, my friend and I were alone at a park when one of my old classmate bully from the previous school advanced towards me and started bullying me. My friend tried to push him away from me but that is when the bully pulled out the knife and stabbed my friend in the chest. Only remaining friend died. After leaving the funeral, I went to a psychologist and was diagnosed with PTSD, major depression and paranoia. With no one there to help me, I was constantly bullied again by students and some of the staff. I started to develop misanthropic views and, later that year, completely identified myself as a misanthrope. I recently visited a therapist about my problems and now I'm getting better.

That may have been long but it is all true. The message I'm trying to relay is that no matter what happens to you, always try and seek help.
nosoulatall nosoulatall
3 Responses Mar 27, 2012

I'm from Australia too. I'm sorry to hear you were bullied for your skin colour. I thought things were better than they used to be but it seems not. I hope you have a therapist with a good understanding of complex trauma. I have complex trauma and dissociation, but my situation was very different to yours. My abuse was ongoing early childhood physical, sexual and emotional abuse from my mother. Please accept my kind best wishes and good hopes for your healing.

your have so much strength to be able to look at your past and identify it as your past. I am struggling have been diagnoised with PTSD. It's a constant struggle. I wish you well and here for your support.

Wow. what you have lived through, and still you are working through it. You are a very strong person. I wish you well. I hope you will find some kind of peace, and find your way to not being a misanthrope anymore. It can't be a healthy way to live. Glad to hear you have sought help. Good for you.