Worst Memories!I in no way believe my childhood was worse than many on this site, but many things were wrong! I grew up with a younger brother, a mum and Dad. my father ruled the roost, he worked hard as a self employed plumber. He believed children were to be seen and not heard. There was no shouting, laughing in my family! Also no-one showed any emotions as it was perceived as a weakness.My brother and I became silent children! No -one could get us to open up, school, relatives. We were so scared of my father. Of his moods, his temper.My mother tried her best to give us love but she bowed to my fathers every wish also. One day ,at about 6 yrs I remember a commotion in the kitchen, crying, my mum running about, this was unusual! Remember the house was always silent, so the noise scared us. My mother was ushered to the bathroom, and my father joined her. We instinctively knew something was very wrong. We sat with our backs to the bathroom door, distraught. I heard my mother cry" Trevor ,it won't stop bleeding!" Then I knew, I knew , she had slit her wrists! Whatever came next is blank, but the next day we went on a long car journey to a very large building. I remember hating the smell of the place and I was frightened. We were ushered into a small room, all white, were there was a very high bed. My father said " Well say hello to your mother then". We did, but we struggled to see high enough, but it was a mum, very pale. She had obviously, lost alot of blood. We didn't stay long and the whole thing unnerved us. Afterwards it was never mentioned. It was swept under the carpet as everything was in our house. No-one explained what had happened and we had been brought up not to ask! Now, many many years later I suffer because of the way I was raised. I broke the yoke of shyness , but I found it very difficult. My brother never did, he's still at home, a virgin at the age of 36 yrs.I got away at 19yrs but fell into drugs. You see I was so used to running away, suppressing my feelings, and with drugs it was easy. They just blanked everything out!! Now I am 39yrs, I am still an addict, still running. I have decided to go to Rehab as I have come to the conclusion that this is stuff iI need to sort out. Or i will never be a well person. Wish me luck!
cath17 36-40, F 4 Responses 2 May 3, 2012