Post

Direspectful Adult Children

To make a long story short I have 3 kids son 27, and 2 daughters 22 and 24. Do not have much of relationship with any of them. My son is married with 3 kids of his own and although I did not raise him I tried to be in his life as much as I could. He never calls me I get a text message for mothers day and birthdays if I am lucky. The oldest girl, I am always good enough to call or hang around with she has no guy in her life or it is at her connivance and that is/was not often. She always goes from guy to guy it is like she can not be without a guy and her taste is always for the bad boys. Now she is pregnant with her 1st child fathered by a 23 year old who had his home raided and is on probation for drugs and has more traffic tickets then I can count. I do not even think he has a valid license. Her and I have always butted heads and have gone without speaking many times before. I have told her how I feel about this situation and we got into another fight from everything from the baby shower to I told her that if I had to go to court to have grandparents rights to see my grandchild I would. Then there is the youngest daughter who lives with her boyfriend about 50 miles away but drives past my home on her way to work that just stopped calling or coming around. She recently told my father that she was tired of hearing me complain about her sister or lecturing her about life and I never go visit her. Well after careful consideration this is what I came up with. I know I was not a perfect mother and that I made mistakes, I am only human. That I will not beg for their attention. If it does not come from the heart and is genuine I do not want it. I will no longer be talked to in their smug snotty tones with curled up lips. If they want to be a part of my life they need to make it happen. Not saying kiss my butt however I am the parent. Ask God for help in getting me through every day. I love all of them but I refuse to accept how they make me feel, so if it needs to be we never speak again then at least there won't be the arguing and everyone getting upset.
66howard 66howard 41-45 14 Responses Sep 24, 2010

Your Response

Cancel

I recently got into it with my daughter and step daughter because of how their behavior has been. Neither one of them accept responsibility for their actions, and everyting is my fault. I am not talking to either one of them and they are not speaking to me. Actually, I can do without the drama. The only sad thing is the grand children. I love them very much. My daughters have been talking smack about me for years behind my back. If they both hate me that much I would rather them not talk to me at all if it is fake. I did so much for them as children. Birthdays, christmas, you name it..................I always went crazy with decorating, etc. Same thing for the grandkids. Maybe that is my problem. They never wanted for anything. I am going to focus on me. Hopefully I will get to see the grandkids, but if not...............there is nothing i can do about it.

Hello are not alone as I had three sons and two are so rude and disrespectful to me. They only come around when they want something and I don't hear or see them after they get what they want. They talk back to me and use me and always blame me for their life mistakes like it's my fault. I have totally given up on both of them as I refuse to be talked to any type of way and blamed for their drug life styles or their messed up relationships they continue to get involved with and then turn on me every time something does not go right with their life. As for my 27 year old he seems to be the only one with his head switch on right but can't say that for the other two sons and so sad but I have decided to delete myself out their lives and live mine now and not turn back.

Dear 66howard,
I noticed your comment was made a few years ago...I'm curious to know what's happening in your life today. Has your situation improved? Please update your post. Thank you

I'm curious to know what you all think the reason is for the complete change &lack of respect this generation displays today. What is it?!!! I did all I could & still do for my daughters &grandchildren &am so totally taken for granted &unappreciated. I sometimes think that I do even more & try even harder to please them just to get a positive reaction from them!! I crave acknowledgement & gratitude from them so badly that I keep trying harder! I'm exhausted! Nothing seems to matter. Please give me any advice that you think will change things. God bless you all.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so hurt & abandoned by your children. I too know then pain you're feeling because my two adult daughters treat me similarly. I am alone & empty. I have faith in our lord & know He will heal the hurts with faith but still the disappointment & hurt only temporarily ceases until those thoughts come up. I agree with you about not having a relationship at all if it has to be phoney or cold & insincere. That hurts even more because I analyze & ask why feeling left with a pit in my stomached wondering what I did or didn't do. I want to do what's right as a Christian but turning the other cheek just seems to condone the disrespect & behavior so I now plan to remove myself from my daughters life (even though I'm sure I'll be criticized as a bad mother & grandmother for doing so). I am so sad and pray that God touches yor children's & my daughters hearts. Let's pray for each other & all the other hurting mothers.

I am very sorry to hear your story but it appears if I have written it. We had parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles some of them we all were not fond of, but disrespecting them was not an option. please remember,
YOU ARE NOT ALONE, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY, NEEDY OR UNREASONABLE!!!!
It is their sin, not ours.........and I know one day they will pay for it one way or another. It is very sad but it is what it is......as for me.....I will be moving out of state away from them.
Take care of yourself, put all your efforts to make your life better. God Bless!

I see everyone else's comment here saying pretty much the same thing; 'ME TOO' everyone is saying!! Well I'm in this too. I have two grown daughters and I text them and they don't text back. I wait a week, same thing, and no text back. You call, and call and you reach the stupid voicemail and this chick STILL won't call you back because she's with her boyfriend. My younger daugher who will be 25 this week is not that bad about calling or texting but she's not HELL like the oldest one at least. But the younger one will talk to me like I'm somebody who should lay down my life and each limb so that she can walk on me so that I will prove that I love her or something.. who knows!! It's ridiculous!! It's this generation is what it is. It's the 25 to 35 crowd and then a little who are TERRIBLE!! I grew up in the 60's and 70's and I never thought to treat adults, parents, or Aunts and Uncles like this. Nobody that I should be treating with respect did I ever just treat like dirt because 'it was all about me'. I was not raised that way. These young adults now are really something else. What a cut throat group of people they are. They think everyone and everything is disposable. Then they get with 'partner', or spouses or live-in mates that are mean, terrible and manipulating, and now things are double trouble. I have know idea what this generation is trying to prove. It's not what I planned on dealing with. That much I know.

Very sorry to hear your story, although I hate to say is so typical nowadays. It is best to stay away from them. I tried to keep peace with my adult children and it's an exercise in futility! After being unemployed for 5 yrs, my 24 yr old grandaughter asked me "why didn;t you send a baby 1st Xmas card?" I advised I have alot of grandchildren and I could not send to all , so I sent nothing only made phone calls. She promptly advised me that" I don't care if you die!". Wow a death sentence over a card.........the funny part about this, not ONCE has she ever called me on mother's day, birthday, xmas. I have done everything for this grandaughter while she was growing up and I was working, but now she says "so who asked you to do it?!" Of course the father of her illegimate child is in the slammer because SHE reported him beating on her and this is his 3rd felony. I am hoping he joins his brother in Pelican Bay! he is there for murder!..She is just another self absorbed wacked out person, whoozing with disrespect and I could care less if I ever see her again. Likewise for her mother my oldest daughter. Anyway I could go on for days........like how my daughter sued me and won from a boating accident. It is just BEYOND BELEIF! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! THERE IS AN ARMY OF US PARENTS WHO GREW UP IN THE 60'S WITH OUR OWN ISSUES! TAKE CARE AND STAY AWAY FROM THEM.. HOPEFULLY THE LIGHT BULB WILL GO ON ONE DAY!

It is unfortunate that many of the grown children today forget who was there for them through good times and bad. It is almost as if parents and grandparents are disposable. Remember, you gave them life but you don't own their life. You have a choice: Either continue to feel badly about the relationships or move on. In any event, you win! If you choose to remove yourself from their drama, you have serenity (and I'll bet a lot more money!). If, someday, when they mature and you develop a relationship, it can be based on more than it is now. God Bless.

Just wanted to say, as of today, I see I am not alone!<br />
I have 4 Adult children, married, 3 girls and a son, and pretty much have taken much disrespect since they have left our home to lead thiers. <br />
Recently found out from the oldest girl, whom I had been proud of her, she is very accomplished accademically, and is doing very well in her life, how exactly I am viewed to her, I took it, swallowed it, and carried it around for a while, she feels I should be happy with "crumbs" if thats all I get from her sisters and brothers relationship, and that I should "cherish" what I have! You see her sisters and brother are the ones "she cherishes" not me or her step-dad, and the rest of them feel very much the same way!<br />
The daughter-in-law that likes to through cut-downs every now and then, allows me to see my grandkids, but does not pick up a phone, the son will not talk to me, for 8 months I went waiting for him to answer a call or return a call, and begged him to tell me what is wrong , what have I done to deserve this treatment, still no answer back, and avoids talking or seeing me, I was determined this last time, I was going to petition the court for grandparent rights, but just to get him in court and into mediation! To get to the problem, but when I went over there, after waiting 8 months without seeing my grandbabies, his wife "allowed me to see the babies, about a 30 min. visit. So, now I really don't have the argument, I can't see the children, but he is still not talking with me, worst of all, he has blantly ignored his youngest sister, who lives with us, and won't even acknowledge her, she has cryed over him and is still very deeply hurt. I wish I knew how to end this, just to see our youngest daughter be able to heal, Iam shareing aa horror story , that is what it feels like, my husband does not want them near him, he says he would move out if they started coming around! The grandbabies have been pulled away from him too, there is no honor or respect going on here, except they like to see us begging, for "crubs, and begging for grandbabies"! Eight months my grandbabies did without me, because of this mean game my son has been playing, Iam clueless as to how to fix this! I pray, but still the saddness does not go away!<br />
Any suggestions are welcomed, my husband wants me to leave them alone, but I feel if this is not solved, it will only get worse.

I too have had to recognize that my 34 and 36 year old daughters now need to grow up so I'm stepping out of the picture. They lie, manipulate, cut me out of their lives then wonder why I've not been around. It's the grandkids who also get caught up in the middle of all this. What the 3 Comments here describe is very much right on target. The Lord wants us free, free to do his work and all these daughters want to do is keep me down. No more. Casting all your care on him; for he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7. I pray for strength for all in these situations.

i have 3 grown kids all married with kids ! right now 2012 we are not speaking at all ! I ahve taken disrepect from my kids my whole life as in respection and honor where i get none ! why you ask ! my kids think i owe them respect and honor they owe me nothing ! i blame this on the way my husband never corrected them when they were younger because he was always working to make ends meet and to put food in our mouths ! it was our choice husband and wife that I stay home to raise our own kids ! he worked and i displained them ! he never backed me up on thier punishments and never agreed or disagreed ! he just was the provider and a very good one ! that is why my kids never and still do not show honor and respect to me as their mother ! I HAVE NEVER TRIED GETTING INTO THEIR MARRIED ISSUES AT ALL ! MY PARENTS DID NOT DO THAT SO I NEVER DID IT ! IF THEY HAD PROBLEMS IN THEIR MARRIAGE THAT WAS THEM TO HANDLE NOT ME ! I ALWAYS HAD TO WALK ON EGG SHELLS AROUND THEM BECAUSE IF I EVER SAID THE WRONG WORD TO ANYOF THEM THEY WERE LIKE SNAKES READY TO STRIKE AT ME ! WELL HERE IS THE YEAR 2012 AND MY HUSBAND AND MYSELF HAVE CHOOSEN TO NOT HAVE ANYTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH ANY OF THEM ! THE WALKING ON EGG SHELLS IS OVER IN OUR FAMILY ! WE ARE DOING WHAT WE WERE INSTUCTED TO DO BY A PRIEST AND SOMETHING WE SHOULD HAVE DONE YEARS AGO ! TOUGH LOVE AND WALK AWAY ! LET THEM CRY OUT ON THE LORD AT THEIR LOWEST POINT THEY CAN GET AND LEY THEM ME DOING THE WEEPING FROM THE HEART WHEN THEY REALIZE NO MORE MAMA AND DADDY ! WE ARE DONE WITH OURS BECAUSE I AM SICK OF THE TEARS AND HEART ACHE THEY GIVE ME ALL THE TIME ! WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 39 YEARS AND OUR OLDEST IS 38 ! THE SECOND IS 36 AND THE LAST 34 ! NOW WE ARE DONE AS OF THIS VERY YEAR ! THEY WERE NOT APART OF OUR CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR AND I REALLY DO NOT CARE IF THEY ARE NOT PART OF OUR LIVES AGAIN ! IF THEY RETURN THEY BETTER COME WITH HONOR AND RESPECT BECAUSE IF NOT THEY CAN ALL TURN THEIR HAPPY BUTTS RIGHT OUT THE DOOR AGAIN AND NEVER RETURN ! YES THIS GOES TO MY CHILDREN AS WELL AS TO ANYONE WITH GROWN ADULT CHILDREN THAT TREAT THEIR PARENTS LIKE CRAP ! NO WHERE IN THE BIBLE IT SAYS PARENTS HAVE TO SHOW RESPECT AND HONOR TO THEIR PARENTS ! IF YOU TEND TO MEDAL IN YOUR CHILDRENS MARRIAGES OR LIVES THAN DO N OT DO THAT ! BUT I AHVE NEVER DONE THAT AT ALL ! I DO TELL EVERYONE I HAVE A DAUGHTER IN LAW FROM HELL BUT EVERYONE AGREES WITH ME AFTER THEY MET HER FOR THEMSELVES ! All i have to say is walk off and say many times in the day " JESUS I TRUST IN YOU " HE WILL BRING YOUR CHILDREN DOWN TO THE GROUND ONE DAY CALLING OUT TO HIM ! LET JESUS HANDLE THEM !

It's unreal how your story sounds like mine! To put all your years into your children and make sure they're safe, healthy, happy and raised in a godly home the then this is how we're treated? I have three children, one daughter and two son's. My son's changed the day they married the girls from hell. I have been trying for years to keep our family together but giving up as of this year. I'm tired of them only being good to me when they want to borrow money and the day after they borrow it's back to being them. I do admit I spoiled my kids and boy am I paying for it. My DIL's do everything to make me look bad and I'm finished which is what they want. I can say they won because I don't play games and won't ever play their games. I'm tired of being depressed over my kids. Hopefully some day after all my praying the devil will get out of them and they will grow up. Someday when their kids are grown they will see with their DIL's. God bless and everyone keep your head up.

I am so very sorry for your situation. If its any comfort I am here in Henderson, NV pretty much in the same situation. I have an article in here and my id is hendersonhen. I have 3 morons for children. One daughter I kept close to only discover she now has no use for me and her stepfather. She claims she cannot visit me because of him, however, when she had no place to live or couldn't pay her rent or had to move 300 miles to come back to NV, stepdaddy was just ducky then. She now houses her father in a house we provided the down payment for and found the program so she and our grandson would have a place to live. He disappeared for 30 yrs has dementia and lives with him for little or no money. She said all you do is smoke and drink. (she's and ex-smoker) and I responded with "if you had children like mine you would drink too". I am done with her. I do get to see my grandson with prior arrangements. Oh yes, she is also housing her drug addicted sister. Some pround mom I am.

I am cracking up reading your post. There is nothing funny about it. I can relate so much, that I blows my mind. Yeah, my children are real with it too. I don't know how they make it through the day. They also have small children of their own. I feel so sorry for them. But.............I need to step down for my own sanity. Take care, and know that I am right there with you.

I can totally relate to your situation. I have 3 adult children, and they are all very disrespectful and inconsiderate. We are not productive with each others lives, which is good because there are obviously some issues. I pray to God to help create a peace and some kind of nice relationship with these people. I worked very hard to provide for them and did without so much so they could have, and they don't even send me a birthday card or mother's day card. One daugher does, but she just went back to her abusive boyfriend so I don't hear from her anymore, and she watched the guy beat me up too in front of her 2 year old son ( my grandson) I pray that they are both safe. I ran off to another State for a year to take a time out and reflect on how to handle this situation. I am considering therapy to cope with the hurt and disappointment. I am so ready to have a good life and invite healthy people to be a part of my life.