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Disrespectful Adult Child!

My son and his girlfriend live in Florida and they are expecting their first child.  I live in Michigan and my gift for them was to decorate the babies room.  That turned into a disaster.  It started off that I drove 8 hours and they didn't even have any food to eat when we got there.  Which I thought was rude.  He expects you to pay for everything.  The girlfriend picked the theme and the bedding and I picked the paint colors (which were beautiful).  I gave the baby shower which no one helped with cleaning the house or doing anything to help with that shower.  I payed for pots and plants to make the entry way look nice.  As far as the baby's room all I got done was putting the bed together and hand building a changing table to match the room and put a saying on the wall and hung 3 little things that came with the comforter.  I guess I overstepped my bounds.  I will tell you it will be the last thing I do for them.   I tried to sort the clothes by months and tried to organize a little that was a problem.  I am only there for two weeks give me my glory and then do whatever you want when I leave.  Constant turmoil.  No one would communicate or ask what anyone would like to do for dinner.  I certainly wasn't going to cook when no one eats it if you do cook.  I never found two more rude people in my life.  If they want to cut the grandmother out of their lives than so be it.  It is the babies lose.  I will never stay or help them with another thing in my life.  If they did say thank you they certainly didn't mean it.  My son told me there was a flaw in my gift and if it was such a flaw then take back the **** and send me a check.  He thinks I need to apologize when in September I said well congrats and as long as I get to decorate the room.  They both agreed at that time.  Then all of a sudden it is a problem.  I didn't pick the theme, I didn't pick the comforter.  I paid for it though.  I did everything based on that theme.  All I did was put the bedding on the crib so it looked nice and put something on the wall.  All they did was ***** about it.  Never once could they take us out for dinner for spending a fortune or to show there appreciation.  All they did was complain or come right home from work and go in the bedroom, never say good night, never ask if we wanted to do anything, nothing.  Just as long as you are forking out money they are okay, kinda.  I thought I raised someone more respectful.  My son works his *** off and all she does is complain that she is tired, she doesn't clean anything except the kitchen.  She can't even wash the back of a pan.  I guess she thinks you only have to wash the inside of the pan.  If he wants to live in filth then whatever.  She always has an excuse for everything, I'm tired, this pregnancy, my hormones, you get tired of excuses all the time.  Manners do not have anything to do with excuses.
wagnerk2 wagnerk2 51-55 4 Responses Apr 24, 2012

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Yes, you overstepped your bounds. Honestly, you're interfering in their lives too much, and you sound overly critical of his girlfriend. You also seem to have unreasonable expectations of them. Perhaps they couldn't afford to take you out to dinner. And I don't think it was rude that they had no food ready for you when you arrived. You could have stopped somewhere to eat on the way. And yes, pregnancy and hormones does make someone very tired and emotional.

Decorating the baby's room was a generous and thoughtful gift, but it would have been better to give them the money and let them decorate it the way they wanted to. And a two week stay is actually a long, long time. I would suggest that you only visit for maybe three days tops in the future. That they went to their rooms without speaking to you when he got home from work is an indication that you overstayed your welcome and they needed some time alone.

Quite frankly, you sound like an overbearing MIL, right down to sorting the baby clothes by the month and saying they "live in filth." Step back, give them some space, and let them live their lives the way they wish to or else you risk alienating your son and not having a relationship with your grandchild.

You know, your son's change after marrying. Seems like they will do anything to make the wife happy including hurting his parents. I had the best two son's until they married. I am so disrespected now that they are married and have kids. I raised my kids in Church, was a stay at home mom so they could have the good life, had all they needed and was always bragged on about my kids while young. But after they married it all changed quickly. The wives are so jelous that the son can't breathe. I've been their bank for the last time because it takes forever to get my hard earned money back if I get it back. I'm to the point of hanging it all up and pray my grandson's see someday it's not me and can see the real problem. I love them with all my heart but there are some things you can't fix and that's selfishness. All I can do is pray for them and go on with my life. I wish the best for all of you and God bless.

I just got back from a visit to CA to see my grown son, his wife and their 2 year old son. It was awful! When they came to the airport, my grandson cried when he saw my 9 year old and I and my son said, "well, I guess he doesn't like you"...that comment felt like he slapped me in the face. He was also very rude to my other son, his 9 year old brother that was very excited to see him. He (accidently) kicked him in the stomach within the first 10 minutes of us being there. He also told him he had "man boobs"(hes about 5 lbs overweight at the moment and is very sensitive about this.) After about 3 days I decided we couldnt take it there anymore and asked if he minded driving us to meet my sister 1/2 way(she lives about 45 min from him) and he said..."take the train"....I really have no idea why he treated us like that. I dont think he even felt like he was being rude. I'm so angry with him since arriving home I'm starting to feel depressed.

I feel the same but my kids are living with me and their 2 golden retrievers, both college grads, she has money and her family that has money. She works a very low paying job and he works a few days a week at a retail store. We have given till our pokets are inside out., they still except more. I wrk from morning to nite trying to take care of my home that I love. My husband works his *** off and has just had a positive reading on a canceous mole. Our son ask if he was ok she came home and said not a word. He is sore and thence and could have used a little respect . We need them out due to our oldest sons wedding in sept. he fiancé will be here a week early and there is no room, on on on on it goes! There need to be rules set before they can move in! God help us it is very hard keeping our mouth shut. I love them both with all my heart but he is not the son we raised.