At My Witts End

My husband and I have been married for 18 years.  I had two married, adult children, and he had two boys, 10 and 14.  I LOVE my husband very much; but from the beginning; I knew his youngest son; had some problem.  He was very defiant, always getting into trouble in school, and could not get along with his older brother or other children.  The boys mother was out of the picture; by the time the youngest one was 5 years old; so my husband rasied them on his own.  When the youngest was 13 years old; he ran away; (didn't want to follow rules at home) went to his mother in Flordia; (had not seen her since he was 5) she put him on a bus, and sent him to her sisters!  Needless to say; that did alot of harm.  To make a long story shorter..he finally came back to our home state, and hooked up with a 22 year old woman; with two babies.  We repeatly; called the law..no help..He ended up marrying this girl; after she became pregnant with our grandaugher; who just turned 9 years old.  My stepson is now 29; will be 30 come September....the way he lives his life; has not changed much.  He has a drinking problem; got a dui several years ago...did not pay his fines (my husband gave him money...a few times to pay them; but NO)  This past May; his wife left him; and he has spirlled downward; eversince.  He first hooked up with a girl; who had just gotten out of prison;  while with her; he got another dui, and driving on revoked...that was in October.  He got a year; suspended....!  He was living with his older brother at the time.  We talked him into going into Rehab (which we paid for); he was there for one week...his Insurance would not pay.  When he got out of Rehab;  came to live with us; didn't stay but a few days or maybe a week or two...then moved back in with his brother.  He didn't like it here; at our house; we don't allow him to drink.  Things didn't work out at the brothers house....so now he is back at our house.  This is March 2; and he got another dui and driving on revoked in Feb.  He doesn't have a court date yet.  He has hooked up with a 25 year old girl; with a 21 month old baby....she lives in a homeless shelter; here in our town!  To go back some; one of the reasons things did not work out; him living with his brother.....was not paying a penny (let you live here FREE so you can save money and get on your feet) he was drinking, getting into trouble, and now bringing the homeless girl, and her baby; to the brothers house...everyday; wrecking his house, feeding them...not cleaning up after themselves.  SOOO the brother told him; he had to go...so now he is in our house...again RENT FREE....SAVE YOUR MONEY; SO YOU CAN GET ON YOUR FEET....now another dui, driving on revoked!  He was driving the girlfriends car; also tore it up.  We do not allow the girl here...don't want to start it; then we don't have to deal with it.  He has a good job; his money goes to....bail bondsmen, child support (he also has another child..with another woman; while he was married!) and he takes his woman to Hotels...when he has a few dollars.  He is very disrespectful to us; in our home....driving us crazy.  We have told him; that he has to be out by May 1...if he doesn't go jail; this time.  There has been alot more happen; to much to write; but I am at my witts end....HELP!

gram62 gram62
61-65, F
1 Response Mar 3, 2010

Hi <br />
<br />
You and your husband need to quit enabling his son. For whatever reason, his life has spiraled out of control. I worked in the prison system for 14 years and have witnessed these types of situations over and over again. I don't have the answers! But unless something happens to change your son's path in life he is going to keep sliding. He has to want to be helped. I don't know if I would even let him live with me again. Help him get an apartment or a room somewhere else. He has had several chances to make some postive changes but not able to for whatever reason. Also, I tutor a guy in reading that is an ex addict and alcholic. He is doing really good with his reading because I let him read from his Narcotics Anonymous (NA) book for at least 15 minutes. I am learning alot about addicts. This guy has a sponsor and works the 12 steps. What made him want to change his life? He tried to kill himself and while in the hospital his daughter told him; daddy I know we don't get to see you when you want to but what would we do without you. This incident changed his life and he has been sober and clean for at least 6 years.