I'm Just Needing Feedback...

My story here is basically to get it all out...maybe by doing this I can figure out what the hell is wrong with me and what I need to do from here...

 

My story begins, this chapter at least, in the stages before my second marriage begun.  Me and my partner had very incredible sex...mind blowing...and it completely took me over.  I fell in love with the definition I had created of what love was...if that makes any sense.  So...with this incredible sex, that I discovered was only incredible because he didn't know if it would be the last time (because I was still married at the time...and he thought it could be over at any time), I ended up divorcing my first husband.  He was an ******* anyway...but that's a different chapter.  So...throughout the next several months, I'm still having amazing sex with my partner...but things are starting to slack...and get more "comfortable" so to speak.  We started to get more comfortable with each other, and developed a sort of comfort zone there in his home. 



Things began getting too comfortable, however...although with my partner's amazing sense of paranoia and mistrust, he felt that I was cheating on him...which I wasn't.  We split up, and tried to talk, which led to more amazing sex.  Then, a week later, I found I was pregnant with his child. He denied this child was his, because, again, he was very untrusting of me from the beginning.  We attempted to put this mistrust behind us and suck it up for the sake of our unborn child.  I moved into his home and started getting the nursery ready.  Nine months later, our beautiful son was born.  During the pregnancy process, he stopped having sex with me because he felt it was wrong, or weird...or just whatever. 

After our son's birth, we were overwhelmed with caring for a newborn, and then an infant...and now a toddler. Sex went from weekly events, to nothing while I was pregnant, and then to about once every 2-3 months after pregnancy.  Keep in mind, I never said anything about love or a relationship, because our relationship was based on amazing sex. 

We are literally different in EVERY way.  He does everything completely different from me...he believes differently than me.  We have no common interests.  We don't argue...but we just shut down and don't communicate.

So...fast forward 2 years.  I begin to realize how messed up our relationship is...and decide to fix it.  Or at least try to.  I pray...relentlessly.  I bargain with God to fix our marriage.  I go for counseling, even though my husband refuses.  He says he is what he is, and I can take it or leave it, but he's not changing for anyone.  As I see things crashing and burning, I realize that nothing will get better. I attempt to maintain our "Comfort Zone" living style...as to not disrupt our son's environment.

I finally decide to discuss it with my husband.  I tell him I'm not happy...that neither of us are happy.  Well, three days later, I've moved in with my mother and we're discussing filing for divorce.

 

What the hell is happening?  What do I need?  What do I want?  These are things that need to be answered before making any decisions...but how do I know what to choose...

jenn1356 jenn1356
22-25, F
Feb 17, 2010