Oh the Headache

So my ex and I are still friends. We chat every now and then but never anything more than that. He comes over just about every night, I don't usually see him because I am already in bed and hopefully passed out. But this weekend was actually pretty fun. A group of us went paintballing this weekend and he joined. (It was awesome!!!) We share a lot of the same friends, well ... most of his 'best' friends are related to me. His BEST friend in the whole world is my brother. haha. But ... anyway. Usually when we are around each other we are 'okay' considering the circumstances in which we broke up (rumors are a ***** especially when they aren't true and they are only said for one purpose, to ruin a relationship), but this weekend was kind of different. Like he acted like he wanted to be close to me. Hell ... I love him to death but I can't bring myself to want to be with him [right now]. I don't want to be tied down in a relationship and as far as I am concerned, his 'best' female friend (little miss queen) just loves to remind me of how much he supposedly hates me. *rolls eyes* (she spread the dirty rumors ... she said I was being disrespectful to people ... WHAT THE HELL!) Anyway .... Saturday we were pretty much around each other all day and we hit it off pretty well. Laughing and joking and just had a great time. Sunday I wasn't home all day because of my "obsessed-stalker" best friend was over my house and I REALLY didn't want to be around him so I made myself scarce and went over to another friends house. But later on in the evening I went to a Karaoke bar with my sister and he [actually] showed up! I mean I was excited but at the same time I was kind of uneasy because I ............... hmmm ...... perhaps I am just reading way too much into the fact that he actually wants to hang out. Now don't get me wrong, I am not bothered by the fact that he does, in fact I am more excited then anything so I am not really complaining. I just don't know what I should think, how I should feel. Sometimes I feel like I love him and other times I don't even want to be around him. Sometimes his presence puts my mind at ease and other times I feel like just telling him to leave. Ugh! My feelings are all f*cked up. So confusing and irritating. But I did have a great weekend hahahaha.
LosingIt LosingIt
22-25, F
1 Response Apr 2, 2007

Well what ever you do, you have to take it slow. Don't rush into having to spend so much time with him. Like you said you don't want a relationship right now. He wants to make things move faster then they are going. You need to take it slow so that you have time to clear your mind and make a well thought out decision. A little off topic but paintballing is awesome. So hard to find anyone interested. I guess I will just have to go to the paintball field and meet new people.