You're a Loser

Dear Jackass,

I had to pick up your baby (Z) again today at daycare because she was running a temperature of 103.  It looks like another ear infection.  Her mom (K) will have to work two days to pay for the visit to the doctor and for antibiotics.  Z’s been crying with pain.  I know she’s fine with me, but I’m sure she’d love to be with her mommy.  I know how much K would love to be the one consoling her but she can’t be home because she’s at work at the nursing home changing diapers and feeding the residents.  She can’t afford to leave work because you’ve not paid a dime on anything in almost a year.  She gets up at 5:00 every morning to get ready to face the day doing the sort of work most of us could never do.  She loves it, too, because she’s got a pure heart and sees the dignity in all people.  She also knows what the term “responsible parent” means.

The last time I spoke to you, you wanted to know how much Z weighed for some insurance form for insurance that never materialized, just like all your other empty promises.  I told you she was almost exactly 20 lbs. because we had just weighed her that day, that she’d outgrown her baby seat and we had to purchase two new car seats so we could work out the daycare transportation logistics.  “Cool…that’s cool,” you said in that annoying, perky tone you use.  No, that’s not cool, you mindless moron.  You should be buying her the car seat.

I learned of your MySpace page from other family members who were appalled at what you were writing.  Yes, I looked.  I couldn’t help myself.  You’ve chosen to play out your divorce online, except you’ve chosen to share nothing but lies.  I’m not surprised.   Every time you open your mouth you lie about something or say something so ridiculous a lie might sound better.  You’re just a bloated buffoon full of hot air and harebrained ideas.

You list your status as working and in college.  You’re neither.  College status?  In progress?  You’ve been out of high school for ten years and  haven’t signed up for a single class in over six.  You told me your major was in Journalism?  Really?  I’ve seen your blogs.  Try remedial grade school grammar to learn the proper use of you’re, your, their, they’re and there.  While you’re at it, try talking about something other than WWF or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Your MySpace blog on your daughter’s birthday was nothing more than a pitiful ploy for sympathy.  “We have lots of presents for you.”  Where were they?  Oh, yeah, a month later we got the box with diapers sized for a 35 lb. child and unsafe carnival toys made in China from the Dollar Store.  You say you’ve got big things planned for her and you’re putting away money for when she’s 18?  Really?  How about some money now?  You sent $100 5 months ago, your only contribution since they moved in with us.  You lament you’ve had no time with your daughter because you’ve only been “allowed” to see her once for three hours since January.  You pathetic dolt, that’s because you can’t afford the gas to come see her and you‘re car is a broken down junk heap that can’t make the trip.  And it’s not as if you don’t have the time since you’ve only worked about one month since you got fired last summer.  Yet you think it’s our responsibility to arrange the trip, take time off work and cover our expenses?  Maybe if you weren’t living in the basement of your parents’ house with your brother and his girlfriend and five other adults and two nephews upstairs, a visit would seem more appropriate.  You quit your new job so you could find “a nice day job” so you could work out for your fantasy big time wrestling career, The only big time anything is your loser status.  You’re 28 years old, at least 30 pounds overweight, and you have high blood pressure. I have a better chance of having a big time wrestling career. 

Under your profile picture, you have the caption “Proud Parent”.  Proud parent?  You have no pride.  You don’t know the meaning of pride.  You think it’s perfectly okay for your in-laws  to support your wife and baby.  You whine and moan that “people will hear things, but that’s okay because K knows the truth and that’s what’s important“.  Yeah, she knows the truth all right.  That’s why she left your sorry ***.  And she’s not posting a sob story like an angst ridden, self-absorbed adolescent on MySpace, either.  She’s talking like an adult to her lawyer who is dogging you because you won’t return any paper work or phone calls.  You avoid any kind of responsibility and you know you will be ordered to pay child support if you cooperate in the divorce proceedings.   Well, guess what, you ignorant cretin .  You’re the definition of Deadbeat Dad and if Grandma had her way, your face would be on billboards.


Myonis108 Myonis108
56-60, F
38 Responses Jun 3, 2009

Everyone's situation is different. I hear your frustration, but I do have to take issue with your statement "...think about us fathers out there instead of always catering to the females." That is quite a blanket statement. I don't know the specific details of yours, but I am sorry you don't see your daughter. I hope your situation turns around so you can have a relationship with her. Good luck.

I realize that people do not always hold up to the expectations that you hold for them.In this case it happens to be a deadbeat dad.I do not in any way shape or form discount your claim that he is a deadbeat dad.However, I wish someone would once and a while think about us fathers out there instead of always catering to the females.I have a one year old daughter by the name of Roslyn that I will not see again for three more years.I have searched and searched and looked through classified ads and online job searches and job centers for over a year and a half now to no avail.I can type well I have great people skills and can help my friends in when they are in destructive situations.Yet because I failed in my duty as a father to care for my daughter I will see her when she will not even know that I am her father.I would love some advice on this situation if anyone has any.Please see that I want no argument here.I just wish that someone every once and a while would help me out as well.

I am sorry that such parents exist, thanks for sharing this

Doing the right thing is rarely the easy thing. You do rock.

Again I am amazed at how this struck a chord with so many. Thanks all of you for reading and commenting. It does happen both ways. There are lots of dads out there doing it alone, too. Parents need to step up, and when they don't it's up to those who can because the innocent kids need to be taken care of. In our case, my daughter is trying her best and so are we. We're not heroes, and I don't know if I rock :) . We're just doing the right thing.

Wow...I'm so glad you shared. I'm always enraged when I hear about a parent like this. But you do rock.

I am in the same exact situation...I have two little sweet grandchildren, and I just feel so helpless sometimes. <br />
Good luck to you and your family!

Ms. Myo rocks, fo' sho'. :)

i happen to be on the oposite end of this. i am a hard working man with a deadbeat ex girl. i agree 100% its a very insulting spot to be in.

Great post Hun.....I feel your pain and understand completely. I too work my *** of and wish that I had help from my childrens father. It is a pipe dream and thank god I am willing to die for their needs and selves unlike him. I wish you luck and send lots of hugs my friend :-)

You should NOT have to be sorry. Be a single mother is HARD!!!! REALLY hard for the mom - like you said - we would LOVE to stay home with our babies when they are sick. But NOPE - we have to work - because WE have to PAY!!!! I too am SO angry. Dad's think they can be the 'weekend father' and promise this and that - and then never show up. There are WAY too many ***** DONORS in the world. I am very sorry Myonis for you and your family ---

I would be furious as well hon

This rant isnt as good as Kittenhasawhip's "cellphone driver" one but its very close. I especially like "I have a better chance of having a big time wrestling career." LOL.

Twenty eight years old is certainly old enough to be able to support a family! Geeze! Is it me, or has this whole generation been given an extended time pass on stepping up to the plate, especially the males? I really do think so. Its not good. When is responsible adulthood suppose to kick in now? 30? 35? 40? I blame the rash of comic movies that depict so many men in prolonged adolescences. <br />
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I'm so glad you laid this rant down here, Myo, a perfect place to blow some steam. Good luck. Your daughter and Grandbaby are lucky to have you.

I am overwhelmed with the support I've received on this rant. I can't thank each of you individually, but thank you all for your responses. I tend to reach "boiling points" when I'm tired, but more so when I get caught up in thinking about how this guy presents himself as a loving parent while my daughter is the one carrying all of it. I have almost nowhere to vent this anger since it makes things so much harder on my daughter to hear the negatives. Mr. My is so much better at reigning in his emotions and it's not fair to him, either, especially since he's the one footing the bill. I'm glad I have a safe place to express this. As grandparents, it's very difficult as far as the roles we now play. There is no question we'll do what's necessary to help. We are so lucky that we don't have to deal with anything like drug or alcohol abuse; K doesn't even go out with her friends. She stays home with Z and has her friends come here. The loser was never physically abusive. I am very glad he's far away and we don't have to contend with visitation, at least not yet. In light of all that, we know we have much to be thankful for. <br />
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I can't wait for that bbq. =)

When and Grunt make good points. As hard as it was to see that Myspace stuff, it is very telling, and you should continue to monitor it.<br />
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K and Z are going to come out of this fine with your support. K is going to find a real man someday and they are going to invite you over for a bbq on Mothers Day.

Put him on Doesnt sound like anyones going to be busting down his door for dates. Just another venting engine.

Baby Z's very lucky to have you. Don't worry, all that ****'s coming back to her father in one way or another in due time.

Thank God for Grandmas like you Myo! The truth is you will never be able to depend on this SOB for anything but lies and hot air. Encourage your daughter to get that divorce as soon as possible and terminate his parental rights if possible. When Z is really old enough you will have to tell her the truth so you won't get sucked in by his lies when he is old and more penniless. B/c he will probably show up some day. Just help your daughter reorganize her life on a better path. I'm sorry that you have to go thru all this, and even sorrier for your daughter and baby.Things will get better eventually. Hang in there! HUGS!

Thanks, fungirl. Right now that's nothing.

I am so sorry My. he is just an a$$hole and he will get what he deserves.

Frankly, I'll be surprised. The mentality and what he thinks is okay (cool...that's cool, as he would say. gag...) are worlds apart from the way we think. It would be a good thing as far as Z is concerned, I know, but right now I'd be happy if I never had to see or hear him and his ridiculousness ever again. :/ I'm glad your ex finally came around to do the right thing. Too bad for the wasted time, though.

My1, I know what your daughter is going through. My daughters spent ten years with no contact and no financial support from their father (whom I used to refer to as their "***** donor"!). Luckily, he turned his life around and is building a relationship with his daughters and paying support. I hope that eventually this bozo you speak of will straighten up and help to give his daughter the kind of life she deserves.

You're welcome. Oh, and since I have you here... aw, just kidding. I'll hit you up later.

It's all good, sweet. The Bunkers were legendary. I can hera her nasally "Oh, Aaaachie!!!" ballz wishes I would stifle more, I'm sure, but like I said, he's lucky I stayed out of his office today.

I don't think so, did I? I took your comment as very supportive and that you'd be saying a lot more. I've been trying to stifle, as Archie Bunker would say.

cinq, thanks for commenting. A<br />
s far as I'm concerned he's nothing more than a ***** donor at this point. <br />
Funny, ballz. Lucky for you I vented here instead of plopping myself in your office with a full on rant.

JJ, thanks. And I know JJ knows jackass.

Really. Get me to a certain point and I'm a contender. In bettybutton's words, he needs to be rolled down a hill, which would be easy given the fact he's a roly poly doughboy.

That, and the fact that you'd probably kick his stupid, sorry *** into next week...

Tender and Nyxie, thanks. I've been very good at keeping my mouth shut for awhile now. It would be awful if he lived closer! I'm glad in some ways because we don't have to deal with him here. That would get ugly because he'd want visitation but not the responsibility and we'd be in constant conflict.

*standing ovation* <br />
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That a$$wipe is lucky you don't live closer.

We're all doing our best. Except for the moron, of course.

scw, I'm not better than you. <br />
betty, thanks.<br />
I do vent and I don't always hold my tongue. I don't say anything to him and I tone it down when I'm talking to my daughter but I'm finding it more and more difficult. I was thinking how difficult it will be to keep quiet when Z is old enough to ask questions. :(

I am not vindictive and don't hold grudges. In this case, as in any case where an innocent child is affected, I feel very angry and would have NO problem seeing his face on a billboard.

I'm furious. Sorry, I had to vent.

Same guy as before, I imagine. <br />
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I may not be the ideal father, but my daughter has all she needs because of my hard work. I feel for you and your family.

Bastard!<br />
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"She's talking like an adult to her lawyer."