I Have And Hate Strabismus.

I have had two operations to align the eyes. After the op's I was to wear an eye patch for so many hours a day. As a result the eye that was operated on became the dominate eye and the other turned in slightly. Most of the time it was not noticeable. And for a few years in my late teens it was not recognized at all unless I was extremely tired or if I drank alcohol.

Now as I get older I wear glasses for slight vision correction and my eye turns in more and more each year. I hide behind my glasses and would never be seen with out them. I tried contacts so I could hide behind sunglasses but I have scar tissue in the corner of my eye and the contacts won't lay flat. You would never know at this point that I have ever had corrective surgery. Sure it was nice to be normal for a bit but now I am getting older and all I want is to age gracefully.

I avoid a camera! I avoid family photos! And I want to break down and cry when someone I am talking to across a room turns around to see if I am talking to them or some one else!!! That is the worse. I work with people everyday and I was always sociable,and outgoing but all that is slowly changing. I do not want to look anyone in the face anymore. EVER! And I do not want to meet new people.

Have you ever noticed that the stupidest characters in movies have Strabismus? Well thanks for that! It's hard for anyone to take me seriously because of this social association. Some people treat me stupid. Some don't want to look me in the face. I am highly educated but a small female with Strabismus. I never get treated like an equal.

I checked into Botox injections for this problem. Apparently this was first created for this condition. And go figure #1 I can't afford it and #2 I can't find a doctor to do it. Yes, I am that desperate to fix this issue. Doctors say another operation would be strictly cosmetic and I would have to pay out of pocket PLUS it might pull the eye in the other direction. *Throwing hands up in the air* I am over it all.

Well, Thanks for listening. I will step out of the pity pool now.
Glad I found this group!
Krolie Krolie
36-40, F
5 Responses Jun 19, 2012

I've had four operations on my eyes three on the right, and one on the left which I feel was totally unnecessary but you can't argue with the pipers can you? It was anything but a success for me with any of the attempts at correction, and yet I think I'm in a far better place now through my own ability to accept my deformity for what it is much more since now instead of feeling uncomfortable at people, or children being aware of it I welcome any attention that might give me a chance to explain myself or what it is God has burdoned me with which could trouble others but not so much me anymore. No not the way it used to trouble, and blight my life when I was a young far more impressionable, and vulnerable imperfect trying imperfectly to fit in while looking away, and out of focus with the one eye that should've been paying more attention. I don't know why it is I'm far more comfortable with the defect now, but it might be something to do with my an eye sitting in rather rather than sitting this one out which was the way of it for far too long. I guess I could complain about the way I've been treated in the past, but I won't because it had only been one of the operations I had that wasn't out of choice and that was a long time ago. I do realise though that I could've done with more information, but it wasn't, and isn't there yet, and anyway now I feel some gratitude in how even if it was shear luck how I've returned, as you might say to my inner roots. This might show in the way I have so much to say now on varying subjects that I couldn't find to say when I was on the outside looking in instead of the inside looking out. By the way I'd just like to know when you said your lead eye had changed did you know this for yourself, or did someone give you that diagnosis as an excuse for yet another failure?

I understand what you mean.. espcecially when someone turns around to see if their is someone behind them, that really just makes me want to die. I hate my life so much. I'm only 17 and i've had the surgery once when i was little. People notice my eyes everyday and they make fun of me and call me "crazy eyes"... and I just hate myself so much. I tell my mom about my eyes but she blows it off and just tells me my eyes are perfect.. but they're not. The day i turn 18 I will take care of this problem myself.

"I am highly educated but a small female with Strabismus. I never get treated like an equal. "<br />
This is EXACTLY like me Krolie. <br />
And I think it's time we were treated as equals or at the very least....be acknowledged as actually being HANDICAPPED. So I posted this in the forum here: <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Have-Strabismus/forum/Do-You-Think-That-Strabismus-Is-Treated-As-The-Seriously-Disabling-Handicap-That-It-Truly-Is/82997" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a><br />
<br />
Why has no one ever posted in the forum?! lol!

You sound like me, except my eye turns out.

I cannot describe how much I HATE, LOATHE, and DETEST my eyes.

Four operations by the age of 7 to bring my eyes to some semblance of "normal" and now they look like nothing has been done.

At 44, I have no social life, I gave up work years ago due to the constant comments...oh how unfortunate/weird/creepy/gross/off-putting etc.

I'm feel exactly the same! I always avoid cameras and group pictures, I don't want to talk to people or meet new.... I often look at the mirror and do nothing but pity myself. I do think that I would concider myself pretty if I didn't have strabismus... I'm only 15 years old...