I Have Strabismus And It Has Had A Negative Impact On Me.So I'm turning 16 in a few weeks and I have suffered from Congenital Alternating Exotropic Strabismus. Basically I was born with Strabismus and only one of my eyes move outwards/ they're misaligned at one time but both wander.
HOW ONE GETS IT:
Congenital Strabismus: The person was born with it
Acquired Strabismus: The person developed it later in life
WHICH EYES WANDER:
Bilateral Strabismus: Both eyes wander at the same time
Unilateral Strabismus: Only one eye repeatedly wanders
Alternating Strabismus: Both eyes wander but not at the same time
DIRECTION OF MOVEMENT:
Esotropic Strabismus: The eye wanders inward
Exotropic Strabismus: The eye wanders outward
Hypertropic Strabismus: The eye wanders vertically
Pseudostrabismus: Is false. It looks like they have strabisumus, but they just have a wide flat bridge of the nose that makes it appear as though they are slightly cross-eyed.
Amblyopia: Or known as lazy eye, this is usually when a person has such bad vision in one eye that they no longer use it and they only use the good eye when focusing. The eye will eventually lose strength so it permanently wanders and often times will lose vision too.
I despise the fact that I have it. I mean, I know that since I was born with it, I should embrace the fact that I have it and well since I've lived with it all my life I should be accustomed to it but
People are scared of me and they think I'm a freak. This is most of the reason why I'm so shy, introverted, have social anxiety and am pretty much scared of talking to anyone because I know that my eyes aren't normal and I'm freaking the other person out. I can't give people direct eye contact and they think I'm just being rude when I really am not, I'm just .. scared I guess and don't want to scare anyone away.
You're probably wondering why I didn't get the surgery. Well, my parents found out when I was about 3 months old and my doctor referred them to an optometrist who wanted my parents to allow me to have the surgery done but my mum was in disbelief and said no.
She went to multiple optometrists for multiple opinions and they all said the same. The reason why my mum didn't want me to have it was because she thought I was too young, I could end up blind and because it wasn't affecting my health or anything so there was no reason to.
I wasn't really teased or bullied in school. I'm from a pretty accepting area and I love Australia. It was more like, I was left out of things. I was the freak, that weird silent kid with the crazy eyes that no one wants to talk to. Because no one wanted to talk to me, I basically didn't speak at all most of the times. I was silent, invisible.
I did have a few friends though and they were wonderful. I loved them all. I was still shy around them and didn't talk very much because there was always a part of me that said that they still think I'm creepy but they're just being nice.
It didn't help that I have hand-eye coordination problems and I was hopeless at sports and I hated that too which made me last to be chosen in sports. I don't remember much of it when I was younger. I'm in high school now and I do have some friends within a group but generally don't have anyone that close to and I'm insecure and everything. I'm known as the girl who's silent, sits by herself and all. Some people try to be nice to me but I kind of reject them/ push them away because a part of me says they're faking it.
I hate taking photos.
I wish I could just be normal.
I can imagine people saying 'Whoa, what the **** is wrong with her eye?' and .. -sighs-
I became really negative in 2011. I fell depressed and it didn't help that I looked like a freak or so I told myself. I couldn't ask for help, make friends or anything because I'm afraid of rejection and they'd think my eye was creepy. I don't think I can ever get a boyfriend. It freaks me out so imagine how it freaks other people out. I'm online most of the time and would love to make friends and webcam and stuff but my freaking eye. I'm scared that they'll freak out and just disconnect and that hurts. I'm not used to my eye because when I stand close to a mirror or maybe focus closely on anything, my eyes align so that they're normal. I step back and one of my eye turns, it's not the same eye, it could be any.
So I'm basically left insecure and lost. I want that surgery so badly. Also, I want braces. And to move schools. I want to be normal. Accepted.
If you have Strabismus or doesn't mind people who have it, then I'd love to be your friend ^_^ There aren't many people in the world out there that are like this. I don't know anyone who does.
AShadowWolf 16-17, F 12 Responses 1 Feb 15, 2013