Keeping An Open Mind

Its been over a year now since i first started my bible study with Jehovah's witnesses and its taught me a lot about myself and my previous mis-conceptions on many subjects.
My initial reason for seeking them out was love... not love of ''God'' as i didn't believe in him, but rather the love of a young woman ( a witness ), someone i had fallen quickly for, and in my need to feel close to her, i walked into a kingdom hall... and so began a rather strange journey for me.
At first, it was strange but also a little exhilarating, as i had led a very sheltered life and although i didn't realise it at the time, i also had a very narrow view on many subjects, so starting my bible study really opened my eyes to some interesting facts about the bible, about religions in general and helped me bring into focus some opinions i had already began to form about society and popular culture in general, and i began to discover a side to me i had never really explored.
As the months went by, i learned more and more about Jehovah and his purpose for us, and while i still struggled to believe there really was a God, i made a very conscious effort to keep an open mind, if for no other reason than to share something that was important to the woman i loved, but life had a very cruel lesson to teach me about ''love'' and ''trust'' when she cheated on me with another man and then simply abandoned me.
I was crushed beyond what words could describe, and while i could no longer attend meetings because of the memories of her, i still continued with my bible study, but now it was no longer about exploring, it had now become a life line for me. I was in such a dark and empty place, and i had nothing and no-one to help me find a way out.. and in my hopelessness i imagined that Jehovah would be my savior, that i could find answers in the bible to help me put myself on the correct path.
All i can say, is i kept an open mind, and an open heart. I looked to him for help, and i even prayed sincerely asking for guidance, but after 6 months of searching for him, all i can say is that there were no answers from him or the bible..
Im not saying the principles of its teachings are wrong, in fact, most of what the bible teaches is good practice.. but its also common sense, and i didn't learn a thing about morality and kindness that i hadn't already learned from life in general before my study.
I entered into it, not believing in a ''God'' but keeping an open mind, and ive reached the end of this chapter in my life with the same view.. that there is no ''God'' or at least not in any way we could begin to comprehend.
Ill go into a lot more detail about how i came to this conclusion from my study, but in another story, under another group.

The problem i have now, is that i don't know how to end my study with them.
They have been so kind to me and helpful, they have been there for me when i needed someone and no one else was around. They have taken an interest in my life and the choices i make, and that's something ive never experienced before, so the thought of disappointing them feels horrible.

DiesSomnium DiesSomnium
1 Response Dec 10, 2012

your feelings are my feelings