You Have No Idea..

I have suffered with clinical depression for almost a year now. Nobody know, and i havent had a formal diagnosis, but im pretty sure. Every time i breathe i want to be dead. I feel like a failure because nobody cares about me. To everybody except only a couple people, i dont exist. Sometimes, my depression gets so bad that i take sissors and i carve deep marks into my skin. Not so deep that i would need stiches, but deep enough so it leaves scars.
To make everything so much better, we are learning about depression in health class. After class, this girl that i kind of call a friend started walking with me to our next class. Here was our conversation:
Her: Omg i have felt depressed once.
Me: really? thats too bad. was it like major depression, or just like feeling a little down?
her: Like really major...i thought about ending my life.
me: why?
her: Because I dont see that guy that i met on vacation anymore.
Me: but thats because he lives like a thousand miles away. Why would you want to end your life because of that?
her: omg Kels. You just dont understand the pain i was in. You just dont understand what its like to be depressed. so just shut up!
me: oh you have noo idea..

so this conversation made me really upset and idk why. Absolutely nobody know that i am depressed, but idk i feel like she was being so selfish. The people reading this or the other depressed people on this website arent derpressed because they cant see a guy anymore or because they miss somebody that they knew for only a couple days. It makes me realise how selfish people really are. Am i selfish for being depressed because nobody notices or cares about me? idk..
babboon babboon
13-15, F
2 Responses Oct 7, 2011

Yes--your being extremely self indulgent and centered. You said you have a couple of people who care--that's more than most people. Your generation is so self absorbed it's scary. Your young, you live in a great country, you can see, you're literate, you can walk and I assume run. That's more than a lot of folks.<br />
<br />
Why not try doing something for someone else sometime without expecting any fire works. We all have a somewhat difficult path to walk at times. Why be so stupid as to throw your mental health away like you seem to be doing?!

well, thanks for making a terrible day even worse. Its not my fault that i am depressed. You dont know me or what has happened to me in the past year.
And excuse me, i happen to volunteer at the soup kitchen once a week, a homeless shelter twice a week, and i babysit special needs children once a month. so, i help others. i am not so self indulged. But i want to see you live my life and go to my highschool, surrounded by tons of people that are so much better than you. We'll see if your still acting like that then.

correction: nobody KNOWS about my depression**