I Dont Know If There Is A Light At The End Of Every Tunnel

I realized a month ago that I have been depressed on and off for atleast 10 years. Every episode is worse than the previous one; It is exhausting to live this way. I live with a dull and insidious terror which whispers to me everyday that today something is going to happen that is going to set me down on that spiral. The monster within myself wants to destroy me. I am so worn from fighting it off that I believe that death is my release. At the same time, I cant shake off the guilt that I am blessed with a good life. I could be happy if I wasn't myself. I can't understand how we can inflict this torture upon ourselves to the point where you live in a world of mirrors. Everything is a reflection of your own hateful self.
vivmars vivmars
May 17, 2012