I Cant Move On

im 23 years old I have two kids with the same guy. I dont know how to move on. the flash backs come back often the question is always the same why didnt I leave. my sister calls me stuoid for it others say I was lost but really I dont know what 'i was why I didnt walk. My best friend says the same thing every time I will get over it wit times. Its been two years since he finally left and by left i mean he is in prison cause i know he wouldnt have let me go. I used to think I would die by his hands and when the anger would come just for me talking i knew that thought would be true. But again why didnt i leave why did I say. he didnt love me he couldnt have, he cheated , he stole, and choke me. he said that I was a pretty wrapped present and when you opened me the view wasnt so great. Why didnt I believe someone else could love me. Why dont I believe it still.  Im alone and lost just me and my kids I speake and one hears or understand. Im lost all I am told all I need to do is forgive and forget and that god wouldnt like any other way. I cant forgive and I cant forget that, thats is the very god I prayed when he hit me so hard the room when black for a few, the same god I prayed when he left bruices around my neck the same god I prayed for him to change or at least give me strength to walk away. Why didnt I leave why just why do I feel so hurt so alone and hatred towards him I never`felt before. I just want this feeling to go away.
carolynt88 carolynt88
1 Response May 13, 2012

I write better than this lol but I was kind off upset when I wrote it and I wasnt sure if I was even going to send it so i got it out fast like a bandage.