Complicated And At My Wits End

How do I start? I am 32 and in a polyamorous relationship with my husband and my girlfriend. I have been with my husband for almost 18 years now and been with my girlfriend for a little over 2. Things have been rocky on and off... amazing on and off... like many relationships. All of us have made mistakes. I'm not going to try to look like some saint here.. I've made a good portion of the mistakes. However, what I'm coming here for help for doesn't really have to do with the mistakes either me or my girlfriend have made.

Last week, my husband beat my girlfriend. She has a black eye as well as many bruises on her torso and cuts and bruises behind her ear. I was not there. This has happened in the past because my husband is bi-polar and after seeking treatment it didn't happen for months until this past week. Which of course he didn't take his meds but that's beside the point. Here's the problem... I've always said my husband is the love of my life. And I do love him... more than I know I should. The other times this has happened I couldn't see past my love for him. My girlfriend has always wanted to stay. This time was different. I would have been fine with her calling the cops and whatever and kicking him out. It was like the "rose-colored glasses" came off.

So this past week I have been really torn. She has apparently forgiven him. I feel like I shouldn't have the right to be angry at him or to be upset because I'm not the one who was beaten but I am. I feel like since she is just going on with her life that I should just get on with it. I feel like I am being some horribly selfish person by even giving it a second thought that something needs to be done here. And I've been keeping all of these feelings bottled up inside because I don't want to upset her anymore and don't want to anger him.

I highly doubt that anyone is in the same situation as me but I'm hoping someone has been in an even remotely similar situation and can help me out with some advice. I have no one that I can turn to. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of some precipice. Tonight I lost my cool and yelled at my girlfriend about some stupid crap because it is just building and building and building. I'm afraid I am going to blow and it will go badly or I will do something else that I will regret like harming myself.

I just need someone to talk to. Obviously it can't be anyone near me because I wouldn't admit that my husband did that openly... help?
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 21, 2013

How would you feel if your eye was black because of your stupid ****? I wish I could beat you myself right now

Personally I think you are full of ****. You have a girlfriend and a boyfriend-pick baby. you can't have both and you are destroying 2 lives by your selfishness. Either you want him or you want her -----you can't have both. I could say grow the **** up