Game Over. Start Again?

I don't consider myself a suicidal person, as such.  I have the thoughts often, but I know myself well enough to know I won't follow through with it.  Overall, I love life too much, no matter how much pain there is.

But sometimes, I just get so tired.  This year has been one of the worst.  I lost my mother in January, lost my job a couple of months later, and have spent the entire summer unemployed, being turned down for jobs right and left.  Normally, I'd call my mom for moral support when things like this happen, so not having her anymore makes it that much worse.

It feels like my entire life has been one huge, uphill battle, and I'm so tired of struggling constantly and never making any progress.  If my life were a video game, I'd have already hit the reset button and started over, or just turned it off and walked away in disgust.

I'm a survivor, though, so I'll keep on going, keep fighting.  The thoughts will always be there, lingering, but I won't give in to them.  And maybe I'll make enough progress to reach the top of the hill one day.
lunameow lunameow
31-35, F
3 Responses Aug 17, 2007

u r strong..im glad u say u love life no matter how much pain there is..it worths trying more n more n never quit..many ppl wish to click on a ''reset'' - ''restart'' button but life is like this..just believe in ur self n never quit..i see u r strong though .<br />
many hugs*

Ha you expressed perfectly what I`d like to do, "press the reset bottom"...How much I wish I could! I lost my mom+12 years and cant get over it... Studied a carrer, but no power or force or chance for a job..and I`m gettin old..and being a weight for my family....

You do know what the top of the hill might look like, though. And the view you'll get from there. Not everyone can say that.<br />
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And you don't have to climb all the way up on your own. Not everyone can say /that/ either.<br />
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Keep climbing. I think it'll be worth it.