What Would The Public Think?

I wonder why I find it so easy to say I can't have children but can't openly say I am female with male chromozone.. I know it'd make a great conversation starter Ha!.
I just wish I would not be ashamed of it. Why do I feel other people would be scared of know what this thing is? We have some of the most bizarre and interesting people out there, why should this be any different?

I think I'm just scared that people might consider me to be a transgender person, which isn't who I am.. Well technically I guess I am but I am in a womans body and always thought I was a girl and liked the fact that I was a girl.
And I certainly don't have enough testosterone OR estrogyne to be consider either.. well not without the help of HRT that is.

My point is that I don't want them to think that it's something else when it's not. It's not man in a womans body, it's a woman who's body never got a choice (in her mothers whomb) to decide whether she become a male or female and stayed the same(female).

I guess I'm frustrated that I feel I am neither female nor male and I'm also feeling that I might even be A-Sexual, not interested in sex, emotionally OR physically. I wonder when will the public find out about this and what they might do with it, what they might do to US! I hate that feeling!
I am actually THAT scared I can't even tell my partner about the "XY" thing as I fear it might freak him out and yeah...

I was diagnosed with this curse when I was 17 and am now 25. I want to have a family. I want to know what my purpose is a human being. Some things.. Sometimes seem useless.
It's not that bad to be honest I just needed to vent :)

harui4 harui4
26-30, F
5 Responses Jan 16, 2013

I actually don't have Swyer Syndrome, so I can't say I know what you're going through- but it's great that you know who you are and are looking to overcome your fear of being honest about your experiences! I know you don't identify as trans (which is fine haha) but I sort of hope that your own experiences give you some insight into what trans people may feel when they worry about telling people their true gender identity.

I don't have much positive to say about hiding my Swyer's... I absolutely FREAKED out when I found out (at 18) and felt all of those emotions at once. I swear I expected to look down my pants and find a penis. After only a few months, I embraced it and am now happy to discuss it. I can't consider myself "out" as some have said and I don't really talk about being "intersex," because I'm not. My birth certificate says female, I have all the external girly parts, and I am happily married to a man. There is no debate. I love to think I have "one up on" the other girls because when the guys all say, "Y chromosomes only," I get to join in! HA! I have no shame whatsoever about my Y chromosomes. I've NEVER had anyone ever give me any crap about it. If anyone ever does... they are truly not worth my time. Most people are absolutely intrigued and want to know more. They are more concerned about my inability to have children or they try to prove me wrong... which always cracks me up. It was a blast to have an argument with a college professor about genetics, when she told me it was impossible for a girl to have XY chromosomes. Ha! I'm living proof. Embrace it!!! You can't change it, so you might as well love it! As for the asexual thing, work with a good endocrinologist to regulate your HRT. You won't be asexual for long! Tell your partner ASAP. Why hide it?? If you want to be with him forever, he'll find out later and resent you for keeping a secret that doesn't matter. If it does matter, he's a toad and you haven't found your prince yet. I've told all my guys friends and I can guarantee it's never "turned the off." Sorry for being winded... I'm just passionate!! :)

I think you should share this with you boyfriend. You will probably be surprised how well he takes it. My boyfriend doesn't have a problem with it at all... Also, I recently looked on Wikipedia and it looks like the occurrence of Swyer is now more common - 1 in 30,000 people have it!! That's a ton of people. In a city with one million people, approximately 31 women will have Swyer. Yay. We just add to the differences and variability among all people. Not that I think were extra special, but maybe if you could view Swyer as something really kind of cool, you be less ashamed to have it. YOU ARE A WOMAN hehe that's the first thing my gynaecologist yelled at me when I expressed doubts about my gender. Gender is socially constructed anyways.... If you don't feel comfortable sharing it with other people in your life that's fine. But in my case, it's a great conversation starter at some parties and I've found that people generally think Swyer is really amazing and they want to know tons of stuff about it. :)

I know exactly how you feel. I have known since I was 16 that I could not have a biological child, and have always been okay with that, and sharing that with anyone. I didn't know that I was XY until I was 42 and already married. My husband was fine with the news, and I have shared with with some of my close friends the fact that I am intersex. But I fear coming completely out. I grew up doing all the girly things...dance lessons, cheerleading, even voted prom queen. I was physically not the most feminine, but outwardly, no one would ever question it. I would love to be an advocate for Swyers, and reach out in public forums to find others who haven't been able to find support. But I worry about how my husband's co-workers would react if they knew...and my old high school and college friends. And most of all my son & step son. I worry that they would be harassed by ignorant people. My brain tells me that these are battles that should show them the importance of standing up for oneself, and how ignorance & prejudice are wrong....but my heart doesn't want to make things difficult for the people that I care the most about. I am hoping that with time I will be able to proudly disclose the fact that I am XY, but for now baby steps.

Hugs to you,
Stephanie

I know what you mean! I've known for as long as I can remember that I have Swyer Syndrome, since my parents had an amniocentesis done while my mother was pregnant. I'm completely fine with it, and I'm even a little proud to consider myself intersex. But other people don't seem to know what intersex means, much less Swyer syndrome! I wish that more people knew about intersex conditions so that I could tell people that I'm intersex. Not being able to tell people about having Swyer Syndrome sometimes feels like I'm lying to them--like I'm telling them that I'm one gender when I'm really another. And it's hard to get to know anyone when you feel like that.

So I kind of understand what you're going through. It's tough. But I'm putting together an intersex awareness campaign for my college right now, and that's making me feel a little better. Maybe eventually you'll feel like you can do something similar, or at least tell the people who are really close to you. I don't know about you, but whenever I've told family or close friends, they've been really supportive. Hopefully it's the same for you.

Thank you :)