I Don't Understand People Who Don't Understand

The general public is so ignorant about abuse.  They make a judgment call on something they know nothing about.  Have you ever heard "It's her own fault.  She must be doing something to make him angry."  "She must want to be there."  I've been in an abusive relationship and it was horrible.  It doesn't matter which kind.  Emotionally, mentally, physically or all of them at the same time.  Who would ever choose to love someone knowing their going to be treated that way.  A person falls in love, gets married.  She's told I want to take care of you, and be your knight in shining armor.  You can stay home and we'll start a family. 

Three kids later and he's really stressed out.  It's not going good at work and comes home and takes it out on the family, more and more as time goes on.  The anger only escalates and then he starts calling you names.  He'll push you away, and then you say something and he slaps you across the face.  You understands he's about to lose is job.  You still convince yourself things somehow will get better tho and all of this will stop.  Besides, the children need their father. 

And yet it's still progressing.  Your going to the ER more than once, with broken ribs, lower swollen bloody lip, plus black & blue all over. But you love him and don't want him to go to jail.  Besides the children need their father and we have no money to live on with no where to go.  It continues more, and your thinking you have to get out of there, but when you say your leaving, he says he's going to kill you if you do. 

So now what can you do.  Nothing else matters, you really need to go.  You can wait until he's gone, and then sneak out with the kids.  You go to a shelter and now feel safe.  The general public doesn't know where the shelter is.  So you go get a restraining order, but know it's only a piece of paper.

WarriorMom WarriorMom
51-55, F
8 Responses Dec 19, 2008

good story you are right people dont understand at all!

I agree it is a brave thing to do. It's sad that sometimes it makes no difference.<br />
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I found for me the mental and emotional abuse was/is so hard to deal with. The body heals and the PTSD can be managed after going through the worse of it.<br />
Thanks for sharing onapath.

If it makes a difference, a restraining order is a very brave step, I sat in a room where I could be clearly viewed by the general public shaking, maybe someone he knows will see me here. You are so right, people don't get it. You can be a very strong woman and fall into the trap, they are sometimes so sneaky and manipulative in the way they wield your emotions like an emotional sword that you feel hacking away at your will.

They should have a class of topics like this in high school. Just think of all the social ills they would be preventing.

I have heard much the same from several other women who have been in this same situation! It is heartbreaking! And then to add to it, I have heard the other stupid comments too, the one that burned me was, "well, he's always so nice, it must be all in her head." Yeah right! Especially the bruises and the emotional torture! It's like people just don't WANT to see what a hell this can be and how there must just seem like there is no way out. God, it makes me so mad sometimes!

Thanks notdarcy. And thanks for commenting. :)

Thanks Mizz. I feel like I could right a book about it.

Thank you as always WM for putting this out there! <br />
There are SO many ignorant people that do not understand how and why this happens.