Women Aren't the Only Ones Physicaly Abused

I am currently with a man who has gone through a lot.  He's lost several friends and family members in the past two years, most devistating was his little brother who committed suicide, which was a shock to everyone who knew him.  But before all of this, he was in a physically abusive relationship for 7 years. 

He doesn't talk about it much, but the signs are all over his body and house.  There are holes in the walls and marks on the furniture.  He now has a crooked nose and has issues with his back from one of the times she pushed him down and he landed on the hard wood railing of the bed.  Worst of all, she used to be violent towards him in front of his and her children (thank god they never had any kids together).

She wasn't only physically abusive.  She also used to cheat on him chronically.  He once caught her and called the mans wife to inform her.  She would come home at all hours of the night with different people.  He'd kick her out, then always let her back in the house.    

He finally got tired of it, but not before first sinking to her level and hitting her back, throwing her over a counter and knocking out 3 of her front teeth, not that in my opinion she didn't deserve it, he had, after all, dealt with this behavior without defending himself for 7 years.  Now, he has a rap sheet and is pretty emotionally unavailable.  He doesn't even like to be affectionate unless it's on his terms and it's incredibly difficult to get him to share anything he feels.  It has made him numb and he has admited that he's trained himself not to want to be affectionate as a result of the crap this woman put him through.  

The worst part of all of it, and perhaps it's mildly selfish, is that I feel totally helpless.  I can relate to him because I've been in an abusive relationship as well, but I can't make the feelings he has of total worthlessness go away.  There's nothing I can do or say, even if he would listen, to make him see that he never deserved to be treated that way and that she has essentially turned him into her, minus the physically abusiveness.  He's let her win by becoming this synical, guarded person.  

I feel for every person who has ever been made to feel like less then a human by their partner, because I'm totally in love with someone who as a result of abuse, as basically no capacity to love me back.   

je006j je006j
26-30, F
Mar 9, 2009