I Have Tearful Moments, Even When I Don't Want Them

Well here's a good thought i had which helps bring on my ongoing tearful moments...well there's a a certain group if you will.. who so bluntly put it "In the best interest of the child" ===> How the Hell does anyone (or in this case someone who knows nothing about you) find out about a person by just reading about it in an unfair predisposed assessment of you by what CFS calls an expert in their field. Oh yeah they are considered an expert in their field sure I'll go with that, but don't you think if they can put you up on a pedestal, they can certainly also put you in the ground as well, Its an elevated world is you ask me, its up or down as i see it, either they like you or they don't and in the end this is which direction is determined oh and to make matters more interesting how about if this so called " File on you " by this expert falls into the hands of an organization that detests you, and I'm talking the fact that you exist PERIOD. Well you then can imagine which direction your going to go at a very fast velocity. Wow i can't believe what a strong message that reads like *gasps* I thought be an author. Hah...though it is so very true. Its the TRUE STORY of my situation, and to tell you the truth it NEVER ENDS, having to wait no choice for your child to grow up or hit the age where you can see them on a more regular basis their choice, rather than waiting for her to grow up through an organization like C.F.S. well it seems to hurt more through the CFS version in my opinion, i know my child doesn't hate me, she LOVES me, and i didn't do anything wrong with her, or to her when she was in my care. She woke up each and every morning with a smile on her face, NO WORD OF A LIE, she did i was there each morning she woke up. Yes of course it was a struggle for me, being on assistance, no educated enough or having enough money to buy all the luxuries to keep a child in what my ex would call it " fantasy life" The beautiful bedroom, the closet full of clothes, of course top brands, and shelves and shelves full of toys its gotta be brand spanking new or considered not important. Well I was trying/ doing my best, and maybe i was only covering the basics but this was all i could afford and if my stupid ex would of stopped thinking about himself for a change and not treat this Mom n Dad thing like it was a competition we could both be enjoying our child which he went out of his way so UNKINDLY removed her from my care even if he had to do it with lies and more lies, so be it. I'm not claiming to be perfect, or no angel and i know i had issues going on in my life that could of help make me look like a horrible parent but there were other people involved in my life who would more or less act as witnesses to determine this, your friends and acquaintances are just as much the one's who can make or break you. They accept the fact for instance " if you do to much drugs" if they decide you know your limit, so this can also determine whether a phone call is made or not, or if you " Drink to much " again if you know your limit and know when to say "STOP" once again it determines what they feel it stepped over the line. I had people involved in my life to determine if i was crossing over any lines, and things were not perfect but the boat wasn't rocking either. Since my daughter was in school this would be the best place to determine if you are falling behind on your parenting skills, just because i moved around alot it didn't' mean my daughter wasn't being taken care of. Not one of the school she was in EVER complained she was dirty, unfed or uncared for. And well that's what I'm gonna deal with and place that as a happy comment in my memories since i don't have her anymore. Thx Mr. B and Mr. D and Mr. E... Hope you guys have some low periods in your life that make you want to blow your stinking heads off... well i kinda feel better..but i can say my life will never be the same again.. It hasn't been for the past 3 years and 3 months

embrissa embrissa
41-45, F
May 16, 2007