I Dont Know What To Do

Hello my names Alexis and I'm 15 years old and have had Thanatophobia since about the age of 10. I have these panic attacks where my heart races, my head hurts, I cry so much, and scream. I hate the thoughts of what happens after. The uncertainty. Maybe its because Im not a very religious person that I have these doubts. Even with the possibility of reincarnation I dont want to forget about THIS life. I just cant imagine not being here. I try to absorb every possible moment but time goes by so fast. The thought of just a black void and ceasing to to exist makes me shake. I've also noticed that when I see my niece who is 2 years old I get sad thinking almost about the circle of life about how one day she will get older. I would do anything to not feel like this anymore and Im scared once I get older its going to get worse. I realize this blog is kinda choppy and its because I just had a panic attack and am writing this as a quick way to release my feelings. I would love to hear from other people who feel the same way, especially people around my age. Thank you so much for reading this
~Alexis
Malex18 Malex18
18-21, F
4 Responses Aug 5, 2013

Hi Alexis. I am so glad I found this. I'm Abi, I'm 19. I have been suffering from Thanatophobia since before I can remember. I go through the same as you; the heart racing, crying etc. I also NEED to be around someone. I'm sorry I have no advice, I came here for it too. Just letting you know, you're not alone and it's good to know I'm not.

Hi Alexis, I was so surprised to read your story because you basically were taking the words out of my mouth. I'm round about the same age as you. I've especially been getting a lot of panic attacks lately and I think it's triggered by movies with death in them. I'm kind of controlling it by focusing hard on something else when I feel a panic attack coming on. I'm also not religious so I'm confused as what to do. I'm on anxiety medication which has really helped with other things but not at all with this. I know this wasn't very helpful but I just wanted to let you know that I completely understand what you going through!

I'm not your age but maybe I can help. I too am scared even though I'm older 51 to be exact. One of my shrinks told me what to do for a panic attack and sometimes it works. Breathe just one breath. If you can do that you'll be ok cause the rest is natural. Far as dying is concerned, I'm not religious but I see true happiness in those that are. If you believe follow that path. If not then keep busy and you wont have time to dwell on those thoughts. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Your parents really can help even though we NEVER want to talk to them. lol Good luck.

Thanks for responding. I\'ve been doing better lately but around my birthday last week it got worse again. I\'ve tried talking to my parents but they look at me like I\'m a little crazy aha, I have been talking to my therapist and its been helping. Thanks so much for the support I wish you well!

I hope you are Okay. These feelings can happen.

Yes sometimes there very overwhelming. I\'ve been getting better luckily, thanks so much for the support!
Best,
Alexis