My Cat's Name Is Womper Stomper

 Womper Stomper is the coolest cat I have ever met. He is a gigantic orange tabby. His previous owners didn't want him any more and we were hiring so he came to live with us.  He was four years old.  When he got to our home, as soon as I opened the pet carrier, he immediately threw himself on my vizsla, Penny, and kicked the crap out of her. I had always heard that a good strategy for someone newly incarcerated is to pick a fight with the biggest inmate you can find. Penny was not impressed. They have since become good friends.

After a few days of hiding under the bed in the guest room, Womper Stomper came out and started being part of our family. His direct supervisor is Peanut, a little skinny brown tabby.  They do not get along to this day.

My wife got up to let the dogs out to use the yard late one night and caught Womper Stomper perched on the edge of the toilet seat taking a leak in the toilet.  She didn't believe it.  We didn't catch him doing it again for weeks.  I got out of the shower one morning and he was standing next to the john and bitching up a storm.  I finally got the hint and lifted the lid for him. Sure enough, he hopped up on the seat and peed.  My wife talked to the his previous employer and they said "Oh yeah, he does that." I don't see why anyone would give up a cat that cool! 

No, he doesn't flush.

He previously went by the name "Kitty" which we didn't like.  Not creative enough.  My wife and I went around for a couple days trying to pick a name for him. She wanted to name him things you would name a homosexual teddy bear.  He is declawed up front, so I really was set on "Slappy".  She did not like that, so in a brilliant negotiating strategy I firmly insisted that we would name him Womper Stomper in the assumption that she would hate it and I could fall back to Slappy in compromise.  It backfired.  She liked Womper Stomper. Fail! 

I am fairly certain that Womper Stomper is the result of a top secret military experiment.  He uses the john, he is skilled in the martial arts, he is fluent in Doginese and he took apart my toaster and now it gets HBO. He is cool.

 

 

captainhalitosis captainhalitosis
36-40, M
1 Response Mar 9, 2009

hbo ha ha well i'm glad you took Womper Stomper in , ha ha , i like that