Hmm... Why Am I Here Again?


God I always feel a bit strange looking at self harm related things on the internet. It's always been such a secretive and shameful thing for me and I never, ever thought anyone else did it until it became a trend (sick, right?) in my middle school all those years ago.

I shouldn't even be thinking about it right now but I am, even though I'm supposedly happy and have made plans for the future. How could I still be thinking about it? I've never really had a specific reason for wanting to hurt myself, but sometimes I just hit a wall and can't think of anything else to do. Saying that, I haven't self harmed for a while now. Maybe a year, but it's all a blur!

The very first time I cut is still so clear - I can remember sitting on my bed in silence, staring at the scissors across the room and then suddenly leaning over, grabbing them, cutting the first piece of my own skin I saw, and being able to breathe. I could breathe easier with every cut. But I still don't know why. I want to know what's wrong with me, really. I'm terrified of myself sometimes.

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Jun 27, 2012