So Far I Have This:

Open relationships, marriages, hearts.
first: I do not have an initial reaction assigned to the statement, "my wife/husband/gf/bf and I are in an open relationship", I do not think wholly crap you are so stupid and doomed to fail. I do not think how evolved a human you must be.
Second: I do have the initial reaction to ask "how do you deal with the jealousy?". every. time.
Here is where my "theory" begins. We as a culture are living so damn long. There is NO biological imperative that behooves us to live beyond 30-35. We mature just enough to procreate just well enough by 15 and raise that person to be 15 by then. So, a marriage that lasts from the time you were late teens/early twenties/30 to 70ish is odd, from nature's standpoint.
Third: every human being passes through phases with every relationship from friends to family to mates.
So, I see that the 7-year itch or what ever is a consequence of longevity. I now believe what you do AFTER the actual break-up defines things we know as long term marriage/monogamy etc. But that the break up or shelf life of human relation is enevitable, it will and does happen it just depends on what you two decide to do after passion is well dead. We absolutely can keep loving in benign ways (meaning with out sexual passion) sure! Absolutely I don't mean to imply LOVE dies...but our set up, attraction and efforts are finite.
I had grandparents who had been together lots of decades and still seemed in love but it was clearly not like thier first few years, it had changed, they had changed etc. I am not stating that it is wrong, not worthy of praise and honor...but the liklihood of me doing that now is already over so I digress.
Theory advances like this: Let's take the example I know best from a best friend of 15 years. Friend is 30ish, he says jealousy is just a wall that as you grow or mature or evolve can be broken down and you are left with many more options. He says he wanted to be free of the attachment that comes with sex, the bonding. He loves his partner and always chooses to come back home and keep building a life, every one else he experiences things/sex with is on the side and never gets the same level of commitment. That's fine, he tells the people he has sex with about it and they choose wether or not to sleep with him.
Here's the kicker, he says he does not want to be a slave to attachment. he states that he loves his partner and supports that life, he just doesn't care if that partner sleeps with anyone either. That IS a bond in my book or partner would only share the same status as the dates. He is attached to partner, maybe not in that way with sex but he will sleep with partner and won't leave, always returns home that IS an attachment in every catagory.

This is a paradox but I have noticed with people, paradoxes take one rule and it's opposite PROVES the rule to be true, it doesn't bring down the whole mode of thinking two inverse things.

Theory concludes: So. If my best friend holds no attachments but sleeps with all his people i render him in my mind A Bachelor. He is taking peices of people with pieces of things to offer to give him every last thing he wants. period. Hello King Soloman indeed.
But...if we believe that he and his partner are evolved people and knew what they were doing what can the rest of us learn? quesiton? How I see it, monogamy is doable by a spectrum of people and all the way on the other side are people who never stay with any one person and we all have to find out who we are and pair with those like us (hopefully). for those who are not, our relationships no matter how well matched are thus doomed to fail so open relationships seem like a great answer. If you care about your main partner AND you care about the people on the side who become part of what makes you happy and you honor that they are people, who now need and want you...and those are finite phases you are passing through with them also YOU ALWAYS STAND TO LOSE SOMEONE vastly important to you, you do NOT get away from decomposition to preservation. Not in terms of net preservation, if opening up your marriage helps you keep that specific individual then I think sacrificing any number of others of varying importance may work but partner better be worth it. If you opened up your relationship becasue you feared the end, it's coming anyway, it is too likely in this world to find people you click with, who are cool, and are a match, and you will loose either the mother/father of your children or you will loose that match, loss is enevitable. The only way it doesn't bother you, is if you plan to not care anymore, in which case stop blowing smoke up my *** with the speaches on how you do this to love more.
theory is ongoing...
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Dec 3, 2012