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I Can't Tell It
Posted April 18th, 2011 at 10:10PM
To the one I never asked to want:
Never has so much ridden on my keeping my mouth shut, keeping my heart shut... keeping my legs shut. I have to make sense of those somehow without ever letting you know, though I suspect that you may. To speak this may destroy far more than I am willing to sacrifice for you... for anybody. It always starts out so innocent, but now, it's become a struggle to keep this intense sexual impulse you inspire under control. It feels like the plot of a bad movie.
I walk into the party, fashionably late as usual. I'm immediately met with you and two other men, I feel myself getting ill already, but you... I can never resist a perfect Aryan, who is so clearly into me before I even open my mouth. How could I have known that I was already digging my grave at that point? It was always to remain harmless. And it was... that night anyhow. It wasn't until much later that I thought about, well, doing something I'd really regret. I remember the first time I gave you the up and down, and thinking, ' what the **** are you doing??' I tried not to think anything of it; it was three am, I was still drunk and we had just accidentally tongue wrestled through an over-sized dollop of whipped cream Lady and the Tramp style... I turned out the be the tramp... not that you're a lady or anything...
I digress...
I was under the impression we could go to a club together with a friend of mine, so we did. Things immediately ran downhill. Dancing with you instantly became an outlet for my intense sexual tension toward you and exacerbated it a thousandfold. Sparks were flying and all I could say was oops. I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't help myself, I let it spin out of control. I didn't kiss you, I didn't instigate anything further, so why did my body feel so violated? Because, I had given in, let myself grind against you, let you sing sweet nothings in my ear.
What I am really trying to say to you, my guiltiest pleasure, my dirtiest little secret, is that I am sorry that I wouldn't stop this. It pains me that in order for us to maintain control, we almost have to ignore each other. Everything is so unlike it was. I'm nervous in your presence. I have never had such a strong attraction to anyone I've ever met, and I'm starting to hate you because of it. I can't get you ot of my brain, even when I'm with him. I want so much to be with you, even just once, and the guilt of it eats away at me. I'd hate to think that you know what I mean... for her sake.
Never has so much ridden on my keeping my mouth shut, keeping my heart shut... keeping my legs shut. I have to make sense of those somehow without ever letting you know, though I suspect that you may. To speak this may destroy far more than I am willing to sacrifice for you... for anybody. It always starts out so innocent, but now, it's become a struggle to keep this intense sexual impulse you inspire under control. It feels like the plot of a bad movie.
I walk into the party, fashionably late as usual. I'm immediately met with you and two other men, I feel myself getting ill already, but you... I can never resist a perfect Aryan, who is so clearly into me before I even open my mouth. How could I have known that I was already digging my grave at that point? It was always to remain harmless. And it was... that night anyhow. It wasn't until much later that I thought about, well, doing something I'd really regret. I remember the first time I gave you the up and down, and thinking, ' what the **** are you doing??' I tried not to think anything of it; it was three am, I was still drunk and we had just accidentally tongue wrestled through an over-sized dollop of whipped cream Lady and the Tramp style... I turned out the be the tramp... not that you're a lady or anything...
I digress...
I was under the impression we could go to a club together with a friend of mine, so we did. Things immediately ran downhill. Dancing with you instantly became an outlet for my intense sexual tension toward you and exacerbated it a thousandfold. Sparks were flying and all I could say was oops. I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't help myself, I let it spin out of control. I didn't kiss you, I didn't instigate anything further, so why did my body feel so violated? Because, I had given in, let myself grind against you, let you sing sweet nothings in my ear.
What I am really trying to say to you, my guiltiest pleasure, my dirtiest little secret, is that I am sorry that I wouldn't stop this. It pains me that in order for us to maintain control, we almost have to ignore each other. Everything is so unlike it was. I'm nervous in your presence. I have never had such a strong attraction to anyone I've ever met, and I'm starting to hate you because of it. I can't get you ot of my brain, even when I'm with him. I want so much to be with you, even just once, and the guilt of it eats away at me. I'd hate to think that you know what I mean... for her sake.
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