What Keeps Me Going Right Now

I thought I'd share this in case maybe it can help someone else get through hard times. It may not be the best method, I don't really know. I all I know is that it helps me.
I've been thinking a lot about suicide recently. Not that I would do it, but it just keeps popping into my head. Questions like would i be able, how would i do it, could i get sleeping pills, would i jump off a building. People always say, focus on what's important, realize there are people who love you, etc and these are all good and helpful, but at the end of the day they never get through to me, and certainly never change anything. Here's what really keeps me going.

When you commit suicide, there is nothingness. Everything ends. All the problems go away. If you are going to commit suicide, it is the worst possible moment in your life. After suicide, none of the trappings of life matter. Your money, your family, your friends, you job. They are all meaningless in the nothingness of death. All one has to say then is let me wait one day to commit suicide. The next day I can do whatever I want, because even if I lost all my money, alienated all my friends and family, and lost my job, if I was just going to commit suicide anyways I would have lost those things. If I lose them tomorrow, I can still commit suicide. Eventually I think the result is that you stop trying to live for other people, because you realize that you do not have to live at all! All the pressures of expectation are meaningless, because who cares about what people think about you after you are dead. You always have the trump card of suicide if things really become unbearable, but what I think is far more likely is that things will get way better since you will start living only for yourself and realizing what matters, which will in turn ultimately connect you to the people that are really important to you.


niuchao niuchao
4 Responses Jan 12, 2012

i too thought for a suicide, bt just imagined; never thought to commit it..... one of the main reason is God's fear..... bt when v r feeling too low everything seems to b so wiered n v feel like this is the only way v can skip everything n even think that only then people would understand our values,..... bt thats nt true... our lives r nt meant for that, ... v r born for a reason, who knows wat comes next... just wait in hope of something better, something better is surely waiting as nothing can happen worser than that worst! Be calm, n thank God for giving a beutiful life n respect it!!

I too think about suicide even though I would never do it, the how the why and even when, has come up. I dont understand really it's not that I'm depressed I have never felt or thought like this. Well my point is its strange just being with nowhere to go but in circles

Im on the same string here... I just can't stop thinking about it, would anti-depressants help? Idk i feel like i can't do it yet im constantly depressed, and always think about it.

I'm not sure about anti-depressants, I always felt like it was better to try and treat the disease than the symptom. It's scary to think about it all the time, but like I said, if you take the right view there is a kind of liberation that can go with it as well. Personally i have to believe that if i listen to myself and learn to follow what i hear, it will get better. I still think about it from time to time but less than i used to. Stay strong, keep trying and hopefully things will get better. If you ever want someone to talk to feel free to message me :)

be strong!