Yea.. It Got Bad... Real Bad.
A couple months ago it was really bad.. I was going to do it... I was such a freakin mess, I curled up on the floor in the fetal position and rocked back and forth begging God to just let me die now... And, I don't even believe in God... But just in case there was one.. lol I prayed for it to kill me... I was feeling so guilty, I had been lying to someone I loved, and I knew once I told them the truth they would hate me and wouldn't talk to me ever again... I couldn't handle that, he was the only good thing in my life, the only thing that made me actually want to live and once he was gone, figured no one would care if I wasn't around... I felt like I got on people's nerves anyways... I walked downstairs and looked through our medicine cabinent and wrote down all the names of the meds we had and went to the internet to see which ones I should take to garauntee that I would die... I didn't want to **** it up and not take enough and live through it and then be put on suicide watch.... so I found the bottles I would take and I made a plan that the next day, I'd tell him the truth and then I'd kill myself.
But, to my surprise... he didn't hate me..... and in fact we're going to get married now.. I would have never expected this... It just goes to show, even when things are looking down.. you never know what can happen to turn your world around.. :)