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It Was So Intense...

i had contemplated suicide several times, but i had never gotten so close. so i was at school, and i was having a terrible day cause i hadn't heard from my boyfriend for a few days, and i was super stressed because of family problems. my classmates decided to tell me repeatedly how much of a "****/*****/hoe" i am. i laughed it off, but i got home and broke down. i called my boyfriend and his friend picked up and told me he was in jail. i couldn't catch my breath. my parents brought my to the conclusion that he was lying to get out of the relationship. i took the xanax we had from the cabinet and decided to OD. sure enough, i didn't go along with it, but decided to keep it in my bag just in case. i went to school the next day and decided that if i was unwanted, i would "take my leave". it started off with a pill at second period...within the next hour, it turned into 7 and i started shaking and falling everytime i'd stand up. i couldn't stop crying. a few classmates tried to calm me down but i completely understand that their concern wasn't genuine, but they just felt sorry for me. that was when i realized, i have no one.
teenfantasy teenfantasy 16-17, F 3 Responses Jun 2, 2012

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Hey there. Don't know if this will help, but I'd like to just say I can relate to how you feel. Perhaps I can't relate to your exact circumstances, but from past experience I can certainly relate to the feelings of utter helplessness, emptiness and loneliness. It seems like no one cares, and those that perhaps do, don't understand and have no clue *how* to care. You may even find that on here.<br />
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The thing that changed my life was being lucky enough to find a couple of people who DID understand and who I could talk to and relate to. Being understood helped with the loneliness and emptiness and from there I could see both practical ways out of the practical problems, but also gain the emotional resources to deal with the emotional and distressing challenges.<br />
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So if I was to give you any advice it would simply be, find someone who understands and can listen to you. Emotional support more than anything.<br />
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For what it's worth, the very fact that you're writing here is a good sign that there's hope for you, although more importantly, the fact that you've responded positively to a couple of the comments. That tells me that you have some hope, deep down under all the distress, and that one way or another you will find a way through this.<br />
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I think you know that no one can solve your problems for you - the last thing you need is to become dependent on someone "rescuing" you. But the right people can help you gain the strength, resources, support, etc. for you to get there yourself.<br />
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I know I'm a complete stranger - perhaps not completely, after what I've shared above ;-) but if you have no one else, I'd be happy to chat with you. Maybe share some of my own experiences with this sort of stuff, and if nothing else just give you a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to, understand and emotionally support you. <br />
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Feel free to message me if you wish. I *will* reply. :)

thank you very much for the advice, i really appreciate it. it won't let me message you but i really would want to know about your experiences. (:

hmm... and it won't let me message you either. in fact it won't even let me see your profile. I don't know what that's all about. So I've asked the support people why we can't seem to message each other, but in the meantime, until they answer, you can email me directly at if you like? That's not my real name or email - it's a temporary one I've just set up for this, until we figure out what the EP problem is. Or if you'd rather wait till I get some answers from the support people that's ok too. Whatever you're most comfortable with. :)

sure(: if you'd give me your email i'd me more than happy to email you

hmm... i put my email address in that last message but it seems to have been ******** out somehow. this is nuts. let's try again... adamgibson234 at g mail let's see if that works. :/

i just emailed you(:

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Hey if you ever want to talk I am here for you, I have a fair bit of experience with this kind of thing even if I don't look like it remember there is always someone that cares you just have to look!

thank you so much, i really appreciate it

My pleasure :)

Never Do It!Trust Me..I Wrote A Story Called December 16,2011..Whenever You Can You Should Read It.