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I Actually Have.................

 In grade school I remember taking a whole bottle of aspirin.

 Not long ago, I took a hand full of sleepers, and washed them down with vodka. 

  I can't tell you enough of the shame I have for that action. Not to mention the hurt it caused those I shared it with.  

 I pray every day that I never feel so hopeless and helpless again !

 And I hope you all, think twice,three times...............a dozen times before you consider harming yourself in any way.

 Someone loves you, no matter what your emotions say, and would be hurt by your actions,  and traumatized if  you  were to be successful.

deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Sep 1, 2009

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@Sameboat If God really did listen, then how come stuff like this happens successfully all the time? I was a hardcore christian and I'd had such hard times then until I finally overdosed on antidepressants, let out of hospital and then about 2 months later became non-religious. Why am I so much happier now?

It may sound crazy but the only answer to when your feeling down and out and you feel like no one is there to hear. Just look up to the heavens and in any tone of voice as God for help and to clear your mind. Scream, cry, just say help. and he will listen. I'm talking from experience. I have been so down and out before. Tried ending it all. Then I just prayed my heart out screaming and crying and all clears up and I know what to do my life feels whole again. God is the only answer, only true listner. If you don't see the answer fast is cause he "God" has something better and wonderful for your life.

Iv had a few in the family that were bent on suicide as early as 15 yrs of age. Normally brought on by the feeling of being trapped- no way out & everything closing in on them.



Iv already told them that suicide does not fix anything- it just turns a temporary problem into a permanent one where the survivors forever live with the outcome & then there is the question;



what if the suicide attempt fails & the attempt only turns you into a partial vegetative state like what happen with my cousin 30 yrs+ ago. He put a 9.mil shell between his eyes- but he went thru a 6 month coma before his parents decided to pull the plug & let him go.



From my 25 yrs in the medical/science field, Iv learned that; Coma patients CAN feel pain- they just cannot physically react to it- unless they are just on the thresh hold of being conscious...

i hate myself being weak and helpless, and sometimes i want to kill myself too. i even thought of dozens of means to end myself. but everytime i thought of the reaction of my family. i didn't have the courage to actaully do it.



i guess that is how people suvive all the hardships..

SCW, you don't offend me. No way. I hear you. AP

Yes, I remember your comment, SCW. Thank you for that. *hugs*



Suicide (and suicide warnings) are a delicate topic. We must treat every "warning" seriously, with compassion. But I also think that a "warning" or an actual attempt must NEVER be brushed off as just "exercising your right to express yourself" once the crisis seems to be over.



My rule -- for myself -- is that if I make a credible suicide warning, I am also obliged to "clean up" once I feel better. Exactly like SCW my hostess has done in her story, with a lot of class (and compassion).



For I have been in that very lonely place where I was spending a lot of time each day planning my own suicide. I am well now, emotionally. And I *know* that if I talk about suicide, somebody out there -- who may be very young and very vulnerable and feeling cornered and feeling that same desperate loneliness -- may be listening.

P/s: I hope this is not "too much information" (what have you started, SCW, huh?), but I also have an old story in "I Will Die Tonight" which also expresses how I feel about "suicide warnings".



Take care!

AP

So have I, SCW. I wish I could hug you. I know how lonely -- and frightening -- it feels to be so overwhelmed that you are spending time each day actually making plans:



http://AndrewPenney.blogs.experienceproject.com/145900.html



Hope it wasn't as bad for you... thanks for sharing this so that people who have similar feelings don't have to feel so alone.



*hugs*



AP