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So Angry So Alone

i am adopted, i am having trouble with my anger towards my birth mother. i have reacently found her but that anger that i have had twords her my entire life wont go away. i had no expectations for her finding her and now she is well she is what i tought she would be but yet i am still disapointed. what mistake have i made by finding her. i am lost and feel very alone not having anyone around me who can understand what i am going through what i am feeling. im hoping thhis group will help me feel not so angry and alone.
lacyP lacyP 18-21, F 7 Responses May 7, 2012

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I was put up for adoption and taken from my mom after she held me for a little while! I was placed with my adoptive parents at the age of 8 months and officially adopted at the age of 2 years! Growing up, I was an only child and my parents wanted to adopt another but because of age, they were denied! At the age of 44, I finally found my birth mother, and discovered I had 3 older sibblings! After meeting the sibblings, they told me of their childhood and problems they had and all three told me I was blessed because mom realized adoption was the best for me! My adoptive parents died, but, I still have my biological family who love me and I them! After thinking of my situation, I thanked my mother for her thoughtfulness. Mom died 6 years ago, and I can say I'm proud to have 2moms and 2 dads! As for being adopted, I was chosen by my parents, and that makes me special and you are special too,think about it!!!

I recommend strongly that you put every effort into living your life as the person that you want to be. As special, unique and wonderful that you may believe that you are, the confirmation and validation of this will come from within you. No one but you can give you this love and confidence. Be kind and honest with yourself.

In Australia there is a Post Adoption Resource centre that has a website full of information. In Australia they will also provide free counseling, but I'm not sure where you can find that in the US. My husband was adopted, and didn't find out till age 33. He then met his birth mother, and it did produce some unbearable feelings in him, and in the end didn't work out. They are no longer in contact.<br />
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You will need a support group of other people who have been through what you have been through, so you can tell your anger to someone else who has felt the same anger, that is the best way to get your anger "given", since you obviously can't give it to your birth mother.<br />
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I hope you have success, if you are struggling contact me, my husband is very supportive of other adoptees and would be willing to give what help he can.

Hey Lacy, You're not alone...I totally understand!!!!!<br />
My son, I believe feels the same way and I've had some anger issues with my bmom before she died. I am an adoptee and a birthmom and would be open to discussing privately, if you'd like. Maybe we can find answers to some of our questions together. Let me know...

And i thought my situation was bad. I suffered two attackers when i was young because my mother kept a dirty house and would spend her time at friends to avoid going home. How did you get on with your life? I can't even talk to boys let alone have a relationship. What are you going to tell your son when he is older? I love my mum because she can be an incrediable mother but she mucked up badly when I was young and I'm only just beginning to understand and accept that she has mental health problems but I do know that anger you are talking about, I am now her carer and she still acts like a child and still has tempers. But much as you may think i'm a ***** for saying this, what is best for your son? Older relatives are good for children, I know that, and do you want him to resent you because you had issues with your mother so he was not allowed to have a gran? I'm not saying let her do whatever she pleases but have you ever thought about supervisised contact?

I did the same thing. I found my birth mother about 5 years ago expecting this Hallmark Afterschool Special moment. It was anything but that. I found out that how I was given away and that I had a brother 10months older than me that she kept. I have so much anger towards her not only that she discarded me like trash because she was selfish, but the reason she gave me when I asked her "why did you chose me and not my brother" her response was and I quote "I had been with him longer"!! I've tried to have a relationship with her but it is too hard. The child she kept "my brother" ended up committing suicide when he was 18. So, she is consumed by guilt by that and now knowing the type of family I was placed with. Abused from almost the day they signed the adoption papers. I am no longer in contact with my adoptive family.<br />
I recently had my first child and my "birth mother" now wants to be a part of my life and have my son call her grandma....all I keep thinking is; you couldn't be a mother to me and NOW you want to be a grandmother to my son!! NEVER!! Having my son has only intensified my anger...I look at him and think to myself my "birthmother" had me until I was 18 MONTHS.....my son is 11 months, there is NO way I could EVER IMAGIN my life without him!<br />
So, glad I found this blog not many of my friends know I'm adopted or the years of abuse...pretty much kept it buried deep deep down!! Thanks for listening

I understand. I went through this a couple of years ago after meeting my birth mother. I was told what to expect, but didn't want to believe it. I wanted to see what I wanted to see, her for who I hoped her to be, but not for who she really is. <br />
It's a hard concept for others that haven't gone through this to understand. Just know that you've come to the right place for support.<br />
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If you need someone to talk to, message me.