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How To Deal With Competing With The Firestation

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now and we have been having it rough lately. when we first started dating, he wanted to be an architect but didnt think it was too enjoyable. he then mentioned to me that he has always wanted to be a firefighter but everyone has told him that he couldnt do it because he was too small and not strong enough for it. i told him he needed to do something that hes gunna enjoy for the rest of his life for this day and age and i motivated him to join the local fire department.  i am very happy he made this decision because its something he really loves and enjoys. but for a while now i feel like that is the only thing thats important to him. he knows ive been feeling negative about him and the fire dept for a while now. i try to put my feelings aside for our relationships sake but it just got to be too much lately and he went out with his buddies from the station and didnt talk to me at all that night. our communication hasnt been the best for a while and it makes it worse to not even talk to me :/ i know deep down he cares about me but he spends all his free time at the station and it feels to me that im being pushed to the side and now im not the most important thing in his life. so how am i supposed to compete for his attention when hes always with the fire department? we almost took a break recently because all of this got out of hand. i just want to be able to accept what he does and not always be jealous because hes not thinking about me all the time. but i want him to show to me that he cares about me the way he used to. anyone got any advice for me?? thanks
bfd130girl bfd130girl 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 26, 2012

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Thank you. i think it will just take alot of time. i want to be in the paramedic field so i will understand once the time comes i guess. i appreciate the advice :)

it is kinda the same when i was in the military.. you build a bond with the guys around you that not many people get to experience... you rely on these guys with your life and they rely on you with their life.. not many people can understand the brotherhood and bond you build with the people around you.. its hard for me to even explain it in words so you can understand.. <br />
if you are a bit of a jealous person you will find it hard to be with him cause you will feel like he chooses his brothers over you every time.. but in fact thats what makes the bond.. being there for each other cause everyone relies on each other.. <br />
try to wait it out as long as you can.. im sure things will get better as time goes by..<br />
good luck

I'm glad you have had counseling before. This is huge and shows that you are on a mission to self improvement. That's very mature and healthy. <br />
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I don't know how people can have healthy relationships and healthy coping skills without ever getting counseling. Maybe their parents were good role models or something, but I believe EVERYONE can benefit from counseling. I don't necessarily believe that everyone NEEDS counseling, but I believe that everyone can BENEFIT from counseling.<br />
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Have a quiet talk with your man and tell him that you need him to do this for you. Ask him to commit to three appointments and then to make his decision if he wants to continue therapy or not.

Thanks christyna. i could offer that to him. i feel it would help alot since i used to go to a therapist for a while but hes a very headstrong person and doesnt think other people should fix our relationship. he doesnt even like me talking to my friends about our problems but i need the advice from people and he doesnt see that.

I would suggest counseling for both of you. Don't wait until your relationship gets any worse. Many people seek counseling when it's too late. Be proactive and seek counseling now. There are probably things you need to work on too and it's not just all him, so let him know that and he won't feel ganged up on when in counseling.