Returning to Hell

I have to return to a place I don't belong.
I came home after my world shattered and fell to pieces.  My miserable marriage was finally legally over (or so I thought).  I was out of a job and didn't have a support network in the tiny little nothing town I had let my ex talk me into moving to.  I had been betrayed by someone that I would have and did trust with not only mine but my children's lives.  I was scared and depressed and didn't know what to do.  So I left.  But I left a very big part of me behind. 
My youngest daughter was entering her final two years at high school.  She refused to leave and come with me.  She said she'd rather live with her father so she could finish school in the only place she'd ever really known.  I knew better.  I wish I had dragged her with me, kicking and screaming.
I knew that as soon as his favorite punching bag was out of reach, he would find another target.
I tried to warn her, but she refused to believe that her own father would hurt her.  A huge part of me hoped and prayed that she would be right.
I let her convince me that she was old enough  to take care of herself and make her own choices.  He was pitching a fit and involving the courts, my lawyer advised me that the courts would take into consideration her age and maturity level and that I would probably lose. Not to mention that by the time it got through the system she probably would have graduated.  Now I  get to listen to her cry on the phone.  I get to hear that I was right, she hates him but she still doesn't want to give up her boyfriend and her friends and the familiarity of her own little town, her own little school, her own little space.
So now I have to go back.  Just for 9 months, just long enough for her to finish school.  I have to find a job and a place to live and put off starting over for nine more months.  I have to.  I am her mother.  It is my job to be there for her, to protect her, to support her.  My resources are limited.  I am afraid.  I tried to be tough and tell her that she would have to come here, but that didn't work. So now I'm going back.
How I am going to pull this off I do not know.  I do know I will find a way.
drbeetlemeyer drbeetlemeyer
41-45, F
2 Responses Jun 27, 2007

You will succeed; I have no doubt. There are few strengths greater in this world than that of a parent responding to a child in need, and nothing strong enough to stand in your way of doing what you must. Good fortune be with you.

Good luck.