I'm Building One Right Now...

I'm building my wall right now, wether I like it or not. It's funny too, because I'm a fan of Pink Floyd. What started the construction? First, I'm an alcoholic and drug addict. I was in recovery and wasn't using drugs or drinking. I was sober for almost three years. My family was proud. Last Saturday, I got drunk and high. I ended up having sex with a girl who was four years older than me. Of course I had fun. The catch was that her boyfriend, was was also at the hotel, didn't know. Now her cell phone is deactivated, and I fear it's the work of her boyfreind, who is also abusive. He hit her just for talking to me, and that was before we had sex. Now I'm worried about her. So yea, I told all of my friends this, but what do they say? "good ****, man. Good job getting laid." And yea, of course there's that side of me who apprcieates that, but theres more to me than that, a side people don't see, a side they don't know nor would understand. I just want somebody to love. Now that I got drunk and want to continue drinking, I'm isolated from my family. I don't act it around them, but i am. There are parts of me that I'm totally shutting out, good parts of me. One some level I want them back, but I feel like that I can't get them. I feel liek I need someone else to get them for me, someone I can love. Family is family, but you know I don't mean them. No one really knows any of this about me. You'll probably think i'm insane, and I am insane. I'm isolated mentally. As pink floyd says, it's just another brick in the wall.

jaycm610 jaycm610
18-21, M
2 Responses Feb 25, 2010

whoo..thanks for putting that in perspective. I needed that!

i hear ya. yeh ****** up. good job on the 3 yrs! you slipped once...but once in 3 yrs! awesome! does nto set you back to ground zero. now you know you can do it and that is huge! the having sex, well..not to belittle it and all...but we all do it especially when we are buzzed and stuff. you ****** up and so did she. he is jealous and overprotective and she has probably given him a reason for that in the past. but that is their problem and not urs. if he confronts you, just tell him the truth. sorry i got drunk and high and was not thinking but with my ****. sorry i disrespected you. then blammo...the rest of all that bullshit is theirs/ the abuse and crap is theirs. it may not even be true. my son's ex told other guys he hit her and stuff and she would **** them (the soldiers at a near by station while my son was serving in iraq) so how much can u believe a woman that gets high, drunk and ***** around on her man. yeh sure u want...who the hell doesn't? many times you will fall in and outta love. each time different and each one special. dude, just wrap it up when u are in love. yeh sure sure it is gonna last forever etc....just pls be with her for awhile before u unsheath ur love okay? ur family understands. we all distance ourselves when we grow up. my boys did too (19 and 20 ). yeh the 20 married early...he wanted love and family of his own...much like u. we are his family and stuff...but a part wants your own...not what you have...if u know what i mean. so now u know...you are not crazy and this is normal. and dude...this is mean...but she is a *****. ur friends are right...a piece of ***. you only disrespected the man and not the chick that spread her legs and played on sympathy. she has two legs and can walk away...not spread them!