Toxic Siblings

I didn't realize it while it was happening, but I grew up in a severely dysfunctional family. I have two older sisters and two younger brothers. My father was bipolar, and my mom realized it after my oldest sister was born, but she kept having children with him.  Anyway, there was no emotional support for us kids and my father played mind games with us that resulted in us growing up in competition with each other.  My mother got her emotional support from my oldest sister and our lives as children revolved around my oldest sister and her accomplishments.  Therefore my oldest sister developed a sense of entitlement and "me, me, me". And our entire adult lives our family system has continued to revolove around her and her "moods" (and she is very moody and makes biting, cutting remarks to people on a regular basis. For some reason, my famil has continued to give her this power.  For most of our lives I managed to stay on my sister's good side by cowtowing to her whims and moods - when she had her daughters (my nieces) I did even more of that out of fear that if I got on her bad side she would cut me off from my nieces.  I never had chidlren of my own and grew to think of my neices as my surrogate daughters.  I babysat for free, had them spend the night at my house and we had such fun as they were growing up.  Then 3 years ago, my sister decided I had done something unforgiveable and accused me of nightmarish things that were totally untrue (how I alway tried to sabotage her while we were growing up (she's 6 years older than I am, I idolized her and would never have thought to sabotage her). She accused me of cutting off her electricity while she was studying for the bar and simultaneously making her car not work on the same night (I lived in another city from her at the time this supposedly happened) and (and this part is true) not asking her to be maid of honor in my wedding.  That is the ONLY part of her accusations that is true. BUT when we got married, we didn't have a bridal party because we were trying to keep costs down.  Anyway she made the horrible, hateful accusations and cut me to the core.  As a result, some other family members continued their little relationship with my sister, knowing what she had said to me, and never once came to my defense (even though when she didn't show up to my brother's wedding because of an imagined "hurt" he had caused her my other brother took her to task for it).  (Same brother has turned into a family gossip and now I know that everything I have confided to him he has turned around and told my sister).  So I have felt wronged by not only my sister, but by my other siblings who through their silence, tells me how invaluable  I am to them, too.  My feelings have been hurt for 3 years, to the point that I feel like I am going to go crazy with obsessing over it.  I think it's time to pull away from my toxic family.  Maybe this site will give me the courage to do it.
mystery54 mystery54
46-50, F
2 Responses Jun 27, 2011

PS feel free to message me if you need support anytime

Hello<br />
<br />
I know you wrote this post in June last year, but you got no replies.<br />
I don't know how things have gone for you since you wrote this.<br />
<br />
For your sister to make such wild accusations, tells me something immediately, that she is wounded, and as she has "covered over" her wounds without healing, nasty behaviour is coming from her.<br />
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As someone in a similar position to you, I can testify that it is a very isolating and lonely experience.<br />
This is why I posted a reply to your message.<br />
<br />
I hope you get to see it, you are NOT alone.<br />
<br />
Although the position is very mentally painful, and I don't like the idea of people in this pain, it helped me to know that I was not alone.<br />
Thank god for the internet eh.<br />
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Lots of love