My Life Because Of Eyebrow PullingI’m 19 years old and I plug out my eyebrows. Most of the time I felt like I was the only one in this world with this problem until I started getting the urge to take out my eye lashes. So I went on and searched in Google “I plug out my eye lashes”, then I came across the world “Trichotillomania” I read the entire article and started crying. I was not alone after 11 years I finally felt some compassion. Recently I’ve been trying to find out about people that have the same urge that I get. However, I decided to write this and express myself about most of the things I’ve been through because of my disorder. I was about 8 years old or so when I was looking at myself in the mirror and plug one eyebrow out. My mother thought it was funny because she thought I wanted to be a grown up. However, I still can’t remember when the second time I did it was. I just remember I couldn’t stop afterwards and still can’t today.
One time I was in ps.98 and I had a friend named Rosa. We were very nice friends until one day me and rosa and someone else who I cannot remember were sitting together. Rosa and the other girl were passing a small piece of paper back and forth. I felt as if they were talking about me. And all I remember was that when the girl read the piece of paper she looked at me and laughs. I quite don’t remember how the piece of paper got to my hands but it was folded and Rosa had written “no eye brows” in Spanish. That I remember that was the last time we spoke. When I came out of school I showed it to my sis and when my sister went to confront her and her mother, Rosa denied everything.
I remember that when I was young my mom use to put socks on my hand before going to sleep. It might sound funny but it kills me inside when I think of it, as I write tears start coming down my eyes. I felt so alone and still do. There was one time when I went with my grandmother to C-Town and the cashier lady asked my grandma right in front of me if I had problems and why I didn’t have eyebrows.
I was so ashamed going out. I felt like everyone was staring at me (they did). So many people would literally come to my face and ask or ask right in front of me to the person im with. Like, acting like I don’t listen or I’m retarted. I found my mom crying many times at night. I’m pretty sure she was embarrassed to have a daughter with no eyebrows.
There was one time, I was walking home when I was in the corner of 207 and Lianabell and Jenny yelled from the 5th floor “Yasmil no eye brows”. I suffered more when I was in Junior High school, is.52. I was chubby and people would make fun of my eyebrows and make fun of my weight. Most of the time it was indirect because they made believe they were my friends. Students would stare at me and sometimes even teachers would ask why I didn’t have eye brows.
There was only a few times when I let them grow. One time was when I decided to take out my passport, I was 13 years old and I was happy that at the end of the school year I was going to go to the Dominican republic with eyebrows. However, I only lasted a few months, by july I had no eyebrows.
The second time I let out my eyebrows grow was after a few months of meeting lito (my boyfriend). I couldn’t believe that a guy was interested in me and I had no eyebrows. But my family would tell me to let them grow because he wont like me with no eyebrows. I let them grow for the summer, but slowly I pull them out starting of from the bottom then the corners and finally the center. That was the last time I’ve let them grow. And that’s when things got a little better.
I was about 15 or 16 and I didn’t want to come out my house. I was depress becauseI had no eyebrows and I didn’t want nobody to see me. I was in the bathroom crying when my sister came in an decided to paint my eyebrows with a eye pencil. She did a terrible job because she did it thick and very dark. I felt like a witch. I started even crying more because I felt like the only solution to looking better was letting them grow. As I started taking the paint out of my eye brows I noticed that there was a grayish line on my eye brows and it didn’t look so bad. So I took the eye pencil and shaded a little more and guide myself from my eyebrows shape. My eyebrows were very lightly color but it was better than looking bold. When I got to my grandmothers house everyone looked surprise. Since then, I have become a pro in painting my eyebrows. I’ve done many nice shapes and nice colors. But It still makes me feel like I look older.
As years passed, I notice that I been plugging out my pubic hair. I’ve done it before around 13 years old but only a few times. It started getting worst when I was about 17 or 18. I plug them out while asleep or when I’m in the bathroom taking a ****. I don’t go deep enough, I only do it write under my belly on the pubic part. I hope you didn’t get gross by this but what can I do. All I know is that I do clean my hands and is only on the top.
Also, everytime I feel something on my eyes or eyebrows I tend to slightly pull all of my eye lashed but only until I feel one come out. I pass it through my mouth to feel that I got the grip. Everytime I pull out my eyebrows, lashes and pubic hair, I pass them through my mouth just to feel satisfied.
I forgot to tell you that when I was about 13 years old I use to plug my hair out but only a few times. It only happened when I felt a little bump or a hair curled.
The bad thing about taking out my eyebrows is that I wont stop until I get that little dark hair that im aiming for. Since I rarely have any eyebrows I would go for the small roots coming out. Sometimes in the night I would feel blood running through my fingers but the pain didn’t bother me. For some reason I like the pain when I would bleed from my eyebrows. When my family would ask me why I has a bruise or a cut on my eyebrows I would tell them I popped a pimple. Until one day they told me that I’m always getting pimples on my eyebrows because I hardly have any pimples on my face.
What bothered me the most is that every time I either scratch my head or have my hand in my face my grandmother and mother always tell me to stop and they always catch me when im not doing anything. There has been time when my eyebrows would get sweaty and since I didn’t want the paint to get off I would try to scratch. Sometimes I would play with my mustache and they would always make it seem like im plugging them out. It made me feel like they thought I cant even touch my face because they would think I was going to plug something out.
Moreover, since I paint my eyebrows everyday. I’ve been a little in denial and sometimes I feel like im perfectly fine. When I take a shower the first thing I do is paint my eyebrows. I would hardly be in my house with no eyebrows. I feel like im hiding it so much that I feel like im perfectly fine. However, I do my best no to stare out myself when I don’t have my eye brows painted. I wish I can find somebody that has the same issue or similarly. Because everytime I go online all I see is people that pull their hair and stuff. I would prefer to find someone that actually has no eyebrows. Some people online only pull them out sometimes. But I pull them out everyday and it makes me feel good that im being satisfy and nobody looks at me wrong or makes fun of me because I look like I have tattoo eyebrows and a lot of girls out there have that also. I only had a few people ask me if I had them tattoo but I would sometimes tell them is painted. I hardly ever told anyone that I have an urge to take them out. The people that know I take them out is those people that knew me when I didn’t have them painted.