I Have Trichotillomania
I started pulling my lashes sometime in Middle school. My first memory of it is looking at the lashes i had pulled out scattered on the lab table in 7th grade science, and wondering what one would look like if I looked at it with a microscope. Around that time I would notice little bald spots in my lashes, but I didn't really realize what I was doing. One time I was in my room with some other girls who were family friends, not really my friends, and one was crying about something and when she wiped her eyes she found a lash and said "My eyelashes are falling out" and I said "I hate that" and they looked at me like I was crazy... When I got to High School my pulling got worse, esp in class. It was around that time that I finally went all the way and pulled my eyelids bald, probably trying to get them to look more even. Eventually I looked it up and realized other people did it, and sometimes I would be able to stop for a while so they could grow back. A big turning point for me came when I started working at summer camp when I was 17. I had known the girl I was working with, Laura, since middle school, and though I had noticed her bald spots and eyelids that matched mine, I'd never said anything to her, because we weren't really close and I was embarrassed. Over the summer we became much closer and I finally felt comfortable enough one night that, while sitting in her tent, I told her that I pulled my eyelashes out and asked her if she did too. She said yes, and we hugged and started crying. She said she had wondered about me because she had seen my eyelashes, but she wasn't sure and didn't want to embarrass me or anything, but she was so glad I had shared with her. She'd been in therapy for it, and had been to the Trich retreats, and really helped me feel a lot better about myself and figure out what made me pull. After that summer, I asked my parents if I could talk to our family therapist alone one time, because I was having a lot of issues with my family and my boyfriend, and I decided to tell her about the pulling. She encouraged me to tell my mom, which I did, and now, while I am not exactly open about it, I am much less embarrassed and I feel like I have it more under control. I figured out that stress, especially academic stress, made it a lot worse, so I tried taking easier classes and not pressuring myself so much. Once I started trying to control it, I would only slip a couple times a year. I also figured out the cycle time for growing back a complete set of eyelashes is about 2 months. So even when there is a time of great stress and I get really down, I know that it's not the end of the world, and I can start all over soon enough. I rarely have anyone say anything about my lashes, or lack thereof, except for my mom who i think pays special attention to them as a measure of my stress and general health and happiness... These days I am doing pretty well... I have nice eyelashes, though I ocasionally pull a few I haven't gone all the way in a long time. The worst thing about it is that I feel like I can't wear mascara because i feel like having stuff on my lashes will make me want to pull them. In anycase, I am really glad that I've never really pulled out the hair on my head, so i only have to deal with my lashes. Hopefully my story helps you!