11 Yrs With Trich & Having A Major Relapse

I remember perfectly when I started triching. I was 11 years old, just started secondary school. The school was a little out of my area and away from my original friends (although my best friend did come to the same school with me). I started to get bullied and I had never been bullied before, not to this extent anyway. I got taunted for where I came from, about money I didn't have and a lot about my weight (always had issues with being too thin). I told my best friend I wanted to move to the school all are friends went to, I asked my mum, she wouldn't allow it. But my best friend thought I'd be leaving her and moved schools within a couple of weeks.

I begged my mum, even faked being really ill to not have to go to school. As the teachers weren't much use, I got pulled out of class to ask why I had, had someone spray paint threats in the schools drive, I didn't even know anyone that would do that for me!!

School wasn't my only problem though, my mum had also asked if I wanted to make a decision to not have contact with my father anymore, as he was causing more hurt than anything to us. I agreed that I didn't want to see him anymore, to that he was constantly calling and stood outside our door shouting for me at 2am!! My stepdad and mum had also recently had a baby and the difference between my brother being his real child and me and my brother not was very obvious.

I remember I had caught lice and found out because I pulled a hair from my head and saw a louse on the hair. From then on I started to pull hair out, more and more each day.

Since then its had its ups and downs, I've gone through phases of pulling a LOT of hair to barely pulling any, but its never fully gone away. Just after my 22nd birthday earlier this year, I ended up in hospital as my lung had collapsed. I have no idea why, but when I returned home from hospital all I did EVERYday was pull my hair out!! It has never been this bad, I haven't been able to go to a hairdressers since. Its been bad before, but not like this. I'm having to spend hours trying to hide spots I been pulling at, to then give up and put a hat on.

I'm also receiving CBT now and it started to get alot better, it was turning back into 'barely pulling at all' phase. But I relapsed, after some studying I looked down to see lots of hair on my desk... I've unconsciously started pulling again!

I actually feel abnormal, who the hell pulls out their own hair?!?! It's ridiculous and if this is my view why can't I stop?? I am so scared I am going to get to the point of having to shave my hair off altogether!

I know their are a lot of other sufferers around the world, but I still feel like the only one. I don't know how to cope with it anymore. I want nice long thick hair, like I used to have, not this?!
Is there any tips on how to stop or quick fixes for the time being?
dinoone dinoone
22-25
Nov 30, 2012