My Story: 12 Years Of Trich

It started 12 years ago, when I was 7 years old. Laying on my couch watching TV, I slipped into a trans and started pulling my hair out of no where. 2 hours later, I had noticed that I had a bald spot. Embarrassed, I didn't tell my parents until they noticed the large bald spot on my head. 5 therapists and countless medicines later, I still had this issue. What caused it? Why can't I stop? I remember as a 10 year old laying in bed pulling my hair for hours. One more hair I would tell myself. "Nope that wasn't a good one. I get one more." until hours past and my scalp is bleeding and sore. I cried myself to sleep most nights that this happened as I woke to a pile of dark brown hair all over my floor and brand new bald spots. Although my family was more than supportive, yelling "HANDS," wouldn't help me when I was in my room by myself at night. when I was 13, I was reading a book and pulling my hair at the same time and I realized I couldn't do both at the same time, so I started using my mouth to help. Running the thick rough strand of through my lips and biting off the cuticle at the end of my hair. As a junior in high school, I became sick of the medications that made me fat and depressed and told my psychologists that I was wasting money because I was not better yet. Then I met Mark. My angle. My rock. He made me want to change for the better and stop my habit. The first present he ever got me was a can of play dough so that I would fiddle with it instead of my hair. Determined to change, I continued to wear my beanie every night and make sure that I did not pull anymore. By senior year I had all of my hair back! I did it!! Without medication without therapists. All because of my supportive family and boyfriend. My life was great!! my first year of college was smooth and perfect. I joined a sorority and was loving my full, long, and thick brown hair. Some days I even forgot I had trichotillomania. Life was great, and then I got a call one Thursday morning that Mark's dad had been killed. He was such a father figure to me that it ruined me. I was back in my deep hole that is depression and began to pull again as some sort of escape. Something to calm me as I cried at night over his death. I pulled and I pulled and I pulled. At this point I was SO disappointed in myself that I still didn't believe that I started pulling again. With one single pull came hundreds more after. That was a year ago. Today I am still struggling, but I am seeking help and admitting that I need help. It was a big step to admit that I had relapsed into my old habits but the day I was diagnosed, I knew that it was going to be a life long struggle. Although the whole top of my head is bald, I am working really hard to stop late night "Binge Pulling." I hope to gain support from all of you and would love to hear your stories as well!!
xmorgancx xmorgancx
18-21
1 Response Dec 1, 2012

Thanks for sharing your story. Like you I've suffered for a long time, and had a long phase where I didn't pull as much, but I've recently relapsed too. I found that CBT really helps, it hasn't made me 1000 times better but its the best help I've ever had!
I also binge pull at night & find that playing Sudoku (or something that stimulates your brain as much) is amazing and buy a koosh ball, pulling the elastic almost feels like pulling hair.

I hope you get the help you need and wish you all the best in overcoming this horrible, torturous habit!